Enchanting Juno

cogitation.

I am having the hardest time writing these days - most unusual for me to have nothing to say.  Usually - in life as well as blog - I have so many words I trip on them trying to get the thoughts out before they evaporate, stumble on my tongue, typo as my hands trip on each other (I am the world's worst typist).

The thing is, they rarely do evaporate.  The ones that are worth something, the thoughts that have legs, they float in my head, they stay and sit and become more complex thoughts.  Which sometimes doesn't happen if I am rushing around.

There are times, of course, when the words tumble out with urgency because the thinking is already done and I am on fire to tell, tell, tell someone what's brewed in my head, what realization, what revelation.  But on the occasions I don't know what I think until it comes out of me, I am starting to understand that I might be jumping the gun, that if I slow down, hold on, form and shape before I speak, I might see more of the detail, feel the layers more acutely. Learn.

I've been walking around recently feeling everything more acutely, really.  Not in a bad way - of course, I don't think anything one can feel is really bad, even if it hurts like fire - more of an enhanced awareness.  I feel both fiercer - capable of more than I may have thought in the past, however you define more - and gentler, rooted in the earth.  This is a new one for me, I'm used to feeling ungrounded, not like I could ground others.  This week anyway.

All this is so amorphous, I can't get stories out of it.

I've noticed at the gym my routine is changing - in the beginning I did weight training exclusively, and slacked hard on cardio for cardio's sake.  It is frankly boring - does anyone love the elliptical machine, or do we tolerate it out of necessity (perceived or genuine)?  Starting 6 months ago I began lightening my weights - strangely my back pain eased at the same time - and learning more about core development.  Now I am never happier than after I've spent an hour with my abs, not because I am working my six pack, but because the more I work with my core the better I feel, more stable, calmer, balanced. Upright, graceful. Thinking more slowly with my body. 

Yoga is clearly around the corner.

Evolutionary change is the only way I know.  Making a big decision to become something new has never worked for me, sudden shifts upset my personal apple cart and I've never been able to not snap back onto the accustomed path.  But constant minute adjustments over time - if I look back, the arc of  change has been remarkable.  A friend told me this spring - when we were driving home from Maryland after the Sheep & Wool festival, actually - that she can't believe how different I am from the woman she met 7 years ago.  When I was, really, a bit of a hermit. 

(We had to stop for a minute and marvel at the 7 years part.)

Since my friendships have evolved as surely as I have, she is one of the few with that length of perspective on it.  And she's right.   

I was at the Rolfer earlier this week for a tune up and I had the cashmere scarf with me, in progress.  She touched it with that look on her face - you know the one, the one that says that the scarf turns out to be for her, not me, I just didn't know it when I started it.  I finished last night and need to pin and steam it before I send it over. 

I'm glad I've slowed down enough to see those moments sometimes now.

We are pleased.

This has been in the bottom of my purse since the beginning of September - it went to Vermont, the office, the gym, the grocery store.  It has had Stuff on top.  There has been Friction.

It looks pretty damn good.

Classic Elite Wool Bamboo on 4 mm needles.  Bamboo is a remarkable material.  Though I have a bamboo T that isn't holding up as well - maybe its the wool/bamboo combo?

(I fell asleep at 9 o clock last night.  While watching Serenity.   Which tells you how tired I was.  Woke up at 10:30 to move from the couch to my bed.  Only knit about 3 rows on the scarf.  So this is all I have.  But worth knowing.)

A Question of scale. (And shoulders).

I finally worked out a thing with a tripod, an infrared shutter trigger and a clean back yard so there might be pictures.  Also September arrived (there is no wearing wool in August, not for me, no how).  Nothing from the front though, you know I don't do that.

Remind me again what the hell I was thinking to use a super bulky yarn? This thing is HUGE.  Heavy too - look at the shoulders sliding off to the east and west.  And that's WITH 50% nylon in the mix.

I did the collar differently than the pattern - because I slipped the edge stitches, when I picked up for the collar it made a pretty inside edge, but not a stable one.  Rather emphasizes the shoulders, if you know what I mean.  If I can tighten it up - my friend the crochet hook and I, I mean - the lines will be a little more vertical at the top and the sleeves will be closer to the correct length, both good things.

When I finish something I am immediately aware of everything that could have been different, but it isn't dissatisfaction at all. More like automatic critical analysis.  Note for next time, what did I learn, what short-cut or long-way-round paid off...or didn't.  What did I fail to think of?  Was I clever in my planning?

Then again, one of the things I like about knitting is the learning.

Overall, I like it.  Fast as all get out and cozy warm without being hot - which was my goal, I wanted an office cardigan for the freezing mornings at my desk.  It does walk the border on being too bulky, but everyone who has seen it in person says it sort of works despite that.  And you know when wool is on your lap or over your shoulders and you can feel the warmth in it on you like a live thing curled against your skin?  That part is very good.  I'll wear it, probably for part of every day this winter, which makes it a success.

I ordered 2 extra balls just in case and ended up having 6 too many: what AM I going to do with with six skeins - four of them washed, two untouched - of electric blue merino/cashmere/nylon? (The stash feels unwieldy today.  Maybe because I just cataloged the new things that have wandered in recently.)

Pattern notes:

• I went up a needle size for everything - I tend to be a bit tight, but I also think this yarn needs the room to move - I wanted give to make the bulk more pliable and I think I got it. 
• I slipped the edge stitches along both fronts for neatness, and I think its worth doing, but I ought to have added the stitch rather than taken it form the pattern. 
• I might, if I were to do this again, do the sleeves in reverse stocking stitch rather than rib - they really are thick and the shoulder seam is a bit unruly with it. 
• These ends refuse to stay woven - if you use this yarn ever, leave longish ones and weave firmly without clipping the tails too close.
• NO belt - not tying this thing in the middle like a Christmas cracker under any circumstances whatsoever.

In the meantime, the "If I Can't Have David Tennant, At Least I Have Cashmere" Scarf.  This and a little house cleaning were my weekend endeavors.

Grignasco Cashmere Soft -  6 skeins scored on major sale in a deep blue with hints of green. Pattern is "Slightly More Than a Scarf" - narrowed slightly so as to be, in fact, MORE like a scarf.  There are eyelets in there, but I got a bad angle on the pic.  Completely memorizable, which is a fine thing in a pattern.  Wound all six skeins into a huge ball, learned the repeat and now I have a new purse project.

Note the new Knitpicks Harmony needles - wooden interchangeables to work with the cables from the Options kits.  Love them.  LOVE them.  The finish is slick, the points are the sharpest I've felt on wood and the colors in person are quite pretty - less garish than I feared after seeing the pictures and really comfortable to use.  I never liked metal needles till I tried theirs, and while I still prefer the Holz and Stein ebonies, these really come close.  And the convenience of it all ..... simply irresistible.

Hey, I finished something.

I can't even believe it myself.

Of course, no photo at this point, because I need natural light, a tripod and some good luck to photograph this beast well, but I'm wearing it at my desk in my cold, cold office this morning .  They say it will be 80 this afternoon, but now its only 54 outside and considerably chillier indoors and Josephine is keeping me cozy.    First morning all week I haven't been shivering.

Can I just say that last week's episode of Doctor Who ('BLINK') rocked my world hard?   When that show is on, it is ON.  And now I want a t-shirt that says  "the angels have the phone box".  Which actually, I can get, but I want something a little less obvious. 

(Actually, I want the one that says "she was such a nice girl until she started with all the knitting" too, but it doesn't come in a boob friendly size for me.  I might make one of those.  Hell, I could make both.

Also one that says "it's happy for deep people".  Just go watch the episode, okay?)

I think I just gave away all the cool I might ever have had.   Maybe more.

But I am still sad that I don't have BBC America because no Torchwood.  I love Captain Jack.  And the Doctor.  And the previous Doctor. 

Now that's an interesting fantasy......

(Turns off video in head.  Firmly.)

Anyway.  Yeah.  Finished the giant cardi and it is indeed giant.  Mixed feelings about the scale of this, but a good reminded that I like cables and might even enjoy something that is complicated if I could get off my ass.  In the meantime, I started a scarf from 6 skeins of Grignasco Cashmere Soft I picked up last weekend for - brace yourself - 10 bucks instead of 28. 
If I can't have David Tennant and/or John Barrowman and/or Christopher Eccelston, I can at least have a cashmere covered neck.

 

So how did your week start?

Sunday night I was at the computer when the cat ran in looking a bit wild eyed and disheveled.  She had something hanging out of her mouth and since she has a habit of swallowing bits of yarn whole, I made a grab to try and get it away from her. 
I missed. 

I always do, but I have to try, yarn not being so good for the digestive system.

While missing my grab it occurred to me that that is not a yarn color I use a lot - too much of a neutral - and in fact it looked a bit smooth and...was moving.  Only then did I realize that she had a mouse  - in my defense it took this long because she had the entire thing, whiskers and all, in her mouth, leaving only the tail exposed.   Once she knew I knew - she very kindly likes to share with me - she ran back upstairs.

I followed to find that she had released her toy and was stalking it around the living room.  At this exact moment the mouse - which was tiny - cowered under the treadle of the Majacraft and the cat lurked on the other side of the wheel.  I know this is all very organic and circle of life and all, but I have trouble watching Miss Kitty play with her food, and so I grabbed a glass from the table and scooped the wee beastie up when he made a run for it.  Which left me with a terrified animal in a drinking glass and a bitchy, complaining one underfoot. 
My life is exciting, yes?

On the way to the back door I thought - I should blog this.  Because that's the kind of freak I am, people.  I started to pick up the camera - I mean, I can't blog this without a picture of a mouse so tiny he can't jump out of the cup in my hand, right?
But someone - I was on the phone this whole time, did I mention that bit? - said I couldn't take a picture of the mouse in the cup, it was creepy and wrong, so I released it undocumented (and slightly damp as he'd been sitting in a few drops of iced tea), and boy am I sorry now.  I mean, really.

(unrelated Toronto picture for visual interest)

And then I went to call and find out if I needed to report to jury duty the next morning, as instructed by the state.  My number was not up yet, so Monday morning it was off to work with me. 
Only to discover the office fridge appeared to have died over the weekend and had defrosted all over the floor and also?  Was dead.   And something didn't smell so good.

So I went to Sears, but they weren't open yet -  I would think they would have opened by then, wouldn't you? And I couldn't wait and anyway by then I realized I could probably get a fridge delivered  from the office supply people - I love them THIS BIG, the office supply people - which is why I was at the deli buying a (cold) Snapple while some morning program played on the wall TV.  Barry Manilow was playing Copacabana, which is a song I love un-repentantly.  So I watched and enjoyed the ladies in the street in New York, who were getting all the way down with it, if you know what I mean.

(another unrelated Toronto picture for visual interest)

Mr. Manilow really needs to lay off the botox, I'll tell you that.  He's all tan and highlighted so his whole person is the same kind of fig newton-y (the newton part, not the fig part) biscuit color and the only part of his face that moved was his lips.  His eyes too, but the lids around them were immobile, so he looked impossibly shifty instead of like a groovy hep cat, which is what closer to what I think he was aiming for.

Now that was creepy.

The unspeakable.

That's what I did.  It was scandalous.

I was spinning the other day - I got my Merlin Wheel back from Dave in Vermont and it is spinning beautifully (And fast. Really, really fast.  But beautifully).  I don't know why, because I worked out the ratios on it and the Vermont wheel once, and technically the Russo is faster by a tiny bit, but the Merlin feels fierce. 
I missed it and I am glad it is home, though the living room looks unbearably cluttered.  Need to rearrange. 

In an effort to reacquaint myself with it I grabbed a bit of this and a bit of that and spun a little of this and little of that and I tell you, I have some unsuccessful fiber around this house.

There's the giant bag of rambouillet I had processed which has two problems - one is that the fleece quality wasn't as good as some, a mistake of enthusiasm based on insufficient knowledge on the part of the purchaser (that would be me), and thus the roving is a bit raggedy.  Prone to lumps.  And the other is that the color is the flattest tan imaginable.  I was going to just use it as a learning tool, because it is also soft as a kitten, but I have struggled with it and struggled with it to get even a halfway decent yarn and then I started to knit a plain sensible warm shawl out of the skeins I have done already and it was so blah it was ugly.  Downright ugly.

And I have pounds of the stuff standing between me and good and beautiful things.

Then there is the really exquisite lilac cormo lamb and silk blend, which should be lovely.  But I bought it several months ago and when I took it out I discovered that the processor used some kind of sweet scented conditioner on it and it smells like the detergent aisle at the grocery store.  And worse, it's sticky.  It wasn't when it came in to me - I think they used fabric softener in the rinse and it left a residue that hasn't aged well. Or the fabric softener residue combined with some residual lanolin and made this gross filmy sticky coating that feels exactly like a dried up laundry soap spill you got on your hands from the back of a shelf.  And it doesn't soften as it warms the way lanolin should and is really rather disgusting.

This is too bad, but I can't see that washing the batts has much of a chance of success, and the whole time I was working with it I wanted to sneeze and wash my hands.

I just had a moment last night.  I could keep picking the lumps out of that rambo, I could try and wash the cormo.....and spend hours of my precious spinning time on it, all the while I have wonderful things waiting for me in trunks and boxes, things that aren't sticky, that aren't full of lumps, that custom will not stale, or not quickly anyway.  Taht will teach me something.  Why should I spend any more time working with things that I don't like, and don't think will come out well, when I could be actually improving my skill and working with good material?

Reader, I threw them away.  And it felt fantastic.

Where was I?

I've been suffering a serious deficit recently and I didn't even really know it:  what with one thing and another I hadn't seen my brother and his family since Thanksgiving, which is totally lame.  But we had a nice talk a week or so ago and he said, seriously, always welcome.  Drive up whenever.

So I did.

And despite the fact that sometimes when I look at them being a family together I think I might die of loneliness, I had a great time.  I think I am realizing that feeling that way doesn't mean that something is wrong, just that I should keep searching.  If you never feel a bit empty, what's the motivation to do the work, move forward, evolve, create, grow, dig, think, feel? 

Science museum/water garden is a great combo.

Baseball, with natural field hazard in the form of a Labrador.

Auntie Juno has Fun with her camera.

Can you believe I MISSED HER FIRST BIRTHDAY!

A superstar already.

More fun with the camera at the science museum.  And just a tip, when you are overwhelmed by sadness unexpectedly in public, the Rube Goldberg device hanging on the wall is a totally Zen building thing to stare at until the feeling evolves. 

And you know, if I happened to make the trip the weekend of Vermont Sheep & Wool, that was totally a coincidence, yes?  Anyway, I didn't buy anything (though I did pick my Merlin Tree wheel up from Dave).

I know, what's the world coming to? But I didn't.  I saw lots of good people for 11 seconds each, and I did all the things with my brother's kids I don't usually make time for.  Feeding goats and talking to breeders and petting sheep and watching the border collies work and sitting in the sun eating fair food while the toddler plays in the  grass.  A new experience.  It was good.

Labour Day

I'm devoted to the 'u' spellings.  To me they distill the word into a deeper level of its meaning.   This is an idea I developed reading British literature at an impressionable age...but doesn't it seem like 'honour' has more depth and force than 'honor'?  Something about the way the mouth curves to make room for the suggestion of the additional vowel.

On Labo(u)r Day I did something I have been threatening all summer, which is to clean up my back yard and make it usable again.  Every halfway decent day I would look out and think "don't I have some cashmere/silk/merino on the wheel upstairs?  Better get right on that...."  and so the leaves mouldered and the weeds encroached.  I would show you a picture of the end result, except that I gave my self a bit too much sun (hat, moron, HAT), which led to no sleep which lead to a tired day, which led to snoozing through the last hours of daylight yesterday.  I woke up at 8 last night, heart pounding and disoriented.  Naps are a mixed blessing.

The only documentation I have to offer you is this:

You can glimpse the clean beyond my grubby toes.  I have to say, whatever one's opinion of the aesthetics of the croc, it is excellent gardening footwear (also knit bloggers are a foot fetishist's dream really.  With or without socks).

While I sweated over the pruning shears, the other resident of this little domestic unit contributed her two bits.

We all do what we can.

A little more about spinning.

I can go on and on, it's true.

How much I hate not being good at something, I cannot even begin to say, I don't know if you know this about me.  For years, I tried nothing new that required skill development (rather than native wit and cunning) because I couldn't stand the learning curve.  Which is weird, because I love to learn stuff. 

But I hate looking a fool.  And people were always looking at me anyway, I felt compelled to look reasonably competent so as not to inspire mockery or pity.  (Don't even try to analyze it.  Really. I have a therapist.)

I mostly got away with it, as I run to competence anyway.  But it's a very limiting way to live:  Never biking, never hiking, never picking up a new game, or sport.  No dancing in public.  Reading a lot, working a lot.  But not doing things that required a willingness to fall down physically or metaphorically.

That was my 20s, mostly.

But things change and along the way I started knitting and that led to the wild acquisition of new friends and hobbies and habits and now I have four spinning wheels (as well as a completely different life). 

Spinning has been such a weird learning curve for me - not surprising as I am my own teacher mostly - and lately I have been terribly, terribly frustrated by my failures.  My dim recollection that in learning things that require muscle memory as well as skull sweat you are often at your least competent right before a new skill takes root is the thought that started me on this post.

I started two summers ago - is that right? how can that be right? - and I learned some and got better and then I switched to Canadian Production wheels which are fast, fast, fast and I am not, not, not, and everything has been a little of the moment since then. 
Much over twisting.

I think it is important for me to remember that I mean over twisting for my own purpose.  Which is to make knitting yarn.   A harder twist yarn totally has uses, just not for my particular goals.

I've been making a lot of tightly plied two ply yarns because that was how much twist the singles had.  I know that technically I could run them back through and remove some of the twist, but at the speed I've been working, I thought I would shred the singles or leave me with an unbalanced two ply.  And anyway, I don't wanna make do, I want to do it right.

All of which is a precursor to some pictures that I found interesting

This is about 600 yards of Shetland ram lamb that I really struggled with.  This was a double coated lamb, a gorgeous soft mottled silver mixed with longer strands of silky black.  I left the coats together because the blend was so beautiful to the eye.
You can see how inconstant this is - particularly on the right, the plying is almost hard?  And it turns out that the silky black is a bit too wiry for comfort with that extra twist.  Sigh.

When I can work up the heart, I'll remove a bit of the ply twist, see if that helps. But this was the step before the camel silk from last week - the reason I worked so hard to keep the twist soft enough.   

When I ran out of that orange silk last week I ransacked the stash for anything suitable to finish the bind off - I didn't find it, but I did find three interesting little skeins.

Two are mine, one is a long draw demonstration from Spindle Rose.  The spinning lesson is from July 4 2006, the other two from November 2005.

I am just fascinated to see that two years ago, when I was barely a spinner, I produced samples that are closer to what I was aiming than I can do now.

The difference being that I spun these on an Ashford Trad - a slow wheel - and on the Maja Suzie on a slow ratio.  Switching to the Production style wheel made that big a difference in my ability to spin.  Which isn't a criticism - my spinning has improved in other ways on the fast wheels, and I'm gaining control now that I haven't had  previously

It's just interesting.  This is why I date and label my skeins, why I kept my early efforts and samples along the way.  I did it because people told me I should, but now, I totally get it.  This is how you remember what you used to know, as well as figure out what you still have to learn.

Like Long draw.  Still can't do that - it's like the top of a roller coaster I can't let go for.  Something to work on.