Enchanting Juno

Surely You're Joking. No really. 1st in a series.

I'm introducing a new semi regular feature here.  A friend suggested that I call it "Thursdays Are For Dickheads" but I think that's limiting.
In my time as an online dater I have met many, experienced much and learned even more.  And all this is good.  But I have never stopped being staggered by the entirely bizarre things strangers will say on the internet.

And I am not talking about a straightforward come on, even if perhaps a cruder one than I would like.  These go a step beyond.  Sometimes more than one.  It has been my habit to save them up, read them to a friend and delete them - in the beginning I tried to respond in a polite but discouraging way, but I have long given that up.

Some may say the mockery is cruel.  I say - if you send this to someone, all bets are off.

hi how are you this is tights guy and that might not mean much to you but here in burlington vt the woman have given me nick names like big bulge and longdong and big dicknand so on and you look so hot could I show you how I look in my tights and you might even think Im good looking too TIGHTS GUY

I swear to everything I hold sacred, I swear to CASHMERE - you can't make this stuff up.

The very root of annoyance

I was going to say sadness, but let me not allow the melodrama to gain a foothold.  Very bad for the complexion.

Can you see? 

On the right, sleeve the first with its very proper six rows between decreases.

On the left, sleeve the second with its most improper three rows between decreases. 

And rather baggy around the bicep with it too.  I hate that.

The killer is that I looked at the first sleeve multiple times while working the second.  And I didn't notice until I'd worked 6 of 7 repeats.

So while I had hoped for a finished sweater, what I have is reknitting.  I had a very nice moment of prostration and flinging it on the floor last night, ripped and began again.  I think the emotional cycle of failure and success is one of the most useful things about creating anything. Keeps your heart limber.

Thank you all for the very kind words about my sky blue sweater - I AM pleased with it.  Sweaters are way simpler than I once thought - well, many of them anyway.  Once you pass the hurdle of accepting that ups and downs are inherent to the process of dressing yourself, as well as to creation, it's a piece of piss, really.

Onward.  I had an idea about a cable/kimono hybrid today....

Sky Blue Sky

I never did take a finished picture of this, it has been sitting around for ages.  But it is finally cool enough to wear and a week or so ago I had a house guest and drafted her to camera duty. 

A while ago someone asked for the pattern. This is not so much a pattern as a practice.   It's an Un-Pattern, knit to fit as follows:

Buy yarn on ridiculous sale at Webs.  Purchase copy of Knitting from the Top Down (if only for the page of suggested paired increases) (or go find it on your bookshelf and blow two years of dust off). Make gauge swatch.  Loop tape measure around desired neckline.  Cast on as the math tells you.  Divide into back sleeves and front, making the back a bit narrower than the front to allow for secondary sex characteristics.  Pick a style of paired increases - in this case, to pick up the loop on the stitch below on either side of the marker, for a very tiny yo effect.

Try on frequently.

Knit downward until armhole depth is reached. Put sleeves on waste yarn.  Continue past midpoint of breast.  Be too lazy to go back for short rows.  Begin decreasing under each breast to form front dart instead.   (Note after you see the pictures that you maybe might have wanted the raglan increases closer together in the front and that maybe you might have wanted to begin the bust darts slightly lower.) (Shrug.)

Try on frequently. 

Stop decreasing when comfortable with waist/ribcage fit.  Go straight for a while. When reach top of hips, begin increasing out on same line as bust dart and also at similar places above ass in back.  Unless your ass is more discreet than mine, in which case, carry on without increases.

I think the rate of increase was every third row in front, every other row in back, but this is a bulky yarn.  And I wouldn't swear to it. When you reach the approximate place (minus a bit) the sweater ought to stop, switch to seed stitch for a couple of inches.  Bind off alternating knit and purls in line with the seed stitch. Pick up arm stitches, knit down.  Double decrease about every two rows 4 or 5 times until sleeves is desired circumference.  Knit straight to midpoint of hand, add seed stitch etc as for body.  (I wanted very long sleeves)(though I may have gone too far). Do similar on other side.

Try on frequently.

Pick up around neckline, knitting same number of rounds as cuffs in seed stitch, double decreasing IN KNIT on corners (basically knit 3 tog with the center stitch on top) every other row or whatever seems good.

Ta da.

Contemplate the fact that this "knit to fit" garment has, in fact, almost 6 inches of negative ease.  Reassess understanding of clothing fit based on this data for a month or too.  Simultaneously discover that the state of sexual frenzy induced by guy you were seeing at the time has resulted in a rather too body conscious fit through the torso.  Think fondly of his primary attribute and resentfully of everything else. 

Leave sweater on arm of chaise with one single end (neckline) unwoven for several months in depression.

Try on again.

Decide you like it anyway, despite the snug fit.  Make note to remember that maybe 3 inches of negative ease might be a wiser choice next time.

Sew in last end.

Perfect.

Pssst.

I've met some pretty amazing people on the knit-o-sphere - found friends, mentors, both together in some cases and one of the most remarkable of these is MamaCate.  Talking to her for 10 minutes at a fiber festival is finding the still place, where things slow down and become real and solid and thoughtful instead of wild and chaotic and overwhelming.
She is a knockout - generous, thoughtful and really lovely and provided the opportunity for me to buy my second wheel and my first fleece and sent me the kindest and most appreciated box of chocolates ever in the history of friends.  She is Good.  And today is her birthday.

So, pretty please, help me crash her server with good wishes, OK?

talking about a revolution

That Canadian woman, I tell you, she has warped me.  By the time she gets done with me I'll be a near-socialist in sensible shoes.

Oh, wait.

After running through several pairs of rather over priced winter boots that lasted about 2 minutes out here in the real world, I succumbed to the classic 500.  I haven't taken them off except to sleep in three days, if that tells you anything.  I love the way I walk in them - in boots generally, actually.  My spine feels great - something about the foot and ankle support, I think.   And they look fantastic.    I may never buy another pair of shoes.

OK, we all know that's a lie.  But for a minute I felt that way, which is my highest footwear accolade.

And don't get all excited - the handknit socks were stolen.*  This is the first footwear in my possession with enough room for hand knit socks though.

*this is true, actually.  Someone had a sizing error and once I realized they would fit my size 12 instead of her size - 6.5? - I just took 'em.**   There's morally wrong and then there's morally wrong, you know?  There were SOCKS at stake.  What would you have done?

**She claims she gave them to me.  But is it really a gift if you're in the process of being robbed?

 

The time, she gets away from me.

I think Thursday is kinda late for a weekend update, but lately I've been spending a certain  amount of time staring at the wall considering stuff, and while this considering is, I believe, ultimately useful to me as a human being, it lacks narrative flow.

I watched the lights in the creek for an hour while reviewing certain choices I have made over the past few years.....not good story telling.  I have a feeling that blogging will be sporadic until after the holidays.  Though you never know.

I did make soup - found the recipe via Specs and highly recommend.  North African Kale and Chickpea.  Not spicy at all, just a really full warm flavor and very head clearing.  It was vegan until I topped it up with chicken broth to cover my excessive kale contribution (I wasn't sure what the meant by a large head of kale.  I erred on the massive side and then I had to put it all in because I'd already chopped it and well, you know).  Part of me wants to put in some lamb sausage too, but that would really be getting off track, since the point of this is that it is kind of temple food, something that's good and healing and delicious.

Next time maybe a bigger dice on the onion, more carrots, more chickpeas, slightly smaller large bundle of kale.  But delicious....there WILL be a next time.  I love soup.  Any food you can put in a bowl, really, but soup particularly.  Winter and me, we are all about the soup - I have a stick blender and I am not afraid to use it.

During this process I was rummaging around in here for something and I saw the wooden shoving tool for the chinois.  And I thought, why is there a nostepinne in the kitchen drawer?  And then I got the camera, becasue I knew you'd understand.
Just goes to show you how your perspective can change.

Last winter I had to take the Merlin wheel back to Dave for some TLC and while he was tinkering her into a whole new and fabulous state of being, he set her up with a giant bobbin and flyer for plying too.  It is dandy, and in between kale chopping and staring at the creek, I made some yarn.

Picture no good?  Yeah.  How about this?

50% merino, 25% cashmere, 25% silk.  Two batts from the magnificently talented Abby. 

This was a struggle a bit.  The first batt was easy - spinning Abby's stuff makes you better than you were, no matter what else is going on - but then I went to SOAR and when I came home I was a different kind of spinner and the second batt was actually way more inconsistently spun - even though the weights were the same, it came up MUCH shorter yardage.  See how the fatter ply has way more air in it?  I could no longer replicate the way I was spinning before, plus the whole time I was trying to spin as I had, I was twitching to get into some long draw and practice what I learned.
Note to self - finish what you're working on before you undergo a sea change.   

If I sound like I am picking on myself, I really am not.  I'm thrilled with this skein, all 300 yards of it.  It is a much higher level mish-mash than I usually achieve, its elastic and not hard surfaced and will make something nice to wear.  I only wish it wasn't November so I could get a picture that showed you how beautiful it really is.

Also, I can kill you with my brain.

For the past week I have only been able to stay warm sporadically - it confuses me as I have always run hotter than most people.  Really a bad quality in a knitter, but handy in the winter.

Well, I've turned on the heat, I'm wearing (commercial, forgive me) merino and a pair of mitts and I'm about to put my scarf back on.  I'm wearing SOCKS, which is, I assure you, unusual.  Cotton ones, as that's what I have.  But still.
I can feel the heat from the vent on my legs, but it doesn't seem to reach the inside of me and I've been like this for days.  I'm considering long johns.

Human physiology is a mystery. 

I read Complications this week, which wasn't bad.  Of the several medical insider books I've read this one went less for excess and drama and more for a personal discussion of the problem of balancing human frailty and the need to learn against the need to treat effectively, and admits the educated guessing game that medicine can be.  Every doc I've ever known socially is pretty upfront about that side of the profession - it is only the non-practitioner who thinks in terms of 'saving lives', in black and white, of easy answers.  The chapter on understanding pain has stayed with me - we think of pain as such a one-to-one thing - hammer plus thumb equals OW.  But chronic back pain is rising even as we culturally move further from physical work and it seems to be linked to declining job satisfaction, among other things.  It is all in your head is an insult, yes?  Means you can't apply will, that you're hysterical, or weak or somehow morally tenuous.  But the brain IS where we feel.  And what's in there is real, even if it isn't triggered by what we imagine, by the concrete.  Try and realign the way you think about it - go on.  It's a very interesting exercise in identifying your own mental prejudices.

I think I'm going to try to apply this idea to my frozen fingers and next month's menstrual cramps.  I wonder if I can lesson the impact with my mind, think myself warm, think myself unwretched?

If you decide to read this, I warn you that the chapter on nausea was impossible to read without triggering that gut-churning, saliva-pooling precursor feeling.  I had to alternate bits of the chapter on autopsy to keep my stomach in one place.  Which, now that I think about it, is pretty funny.

Reknitting is going well - I have increased the needle size for the ribbing to match the body size.  According to my swatch, this will go a long way toward making the skirt of the sweater look less tight and scant.  I checked Ravelry and the only other version of this knit in Dream in Color pulls in as much as mine did.  I mean, the sweater pulls in anyway, this is the fundamental nature of ribbing, so if you're shapely I think you might want to consider not going down a needle size anyway - for the body anyway - but it seems to especially pull in in this yarn.  Which is extremely springy. 
The swatch seems to have ever so subtly darkened after being washed, which I find odd, but attractive.  I washed the ripped out skein last night (I do love the smell of wet wool) and I am looking forward to seeing if that's true of it as well. 

When I decide about increasing, I'll let you know.   

Making some tea.  Then work.

My ass is bigger than Mr. Greenjeans'

and therein lies the rub.

All along I've been knitting this and trying it on and I thought it was OK.  One or two have ventured that it was maybe small, but I could tell the fit was fine, thank you very much.

We were both right.

The body and sleeve (only have one so far) - dandy.  Totally happy with it.  Though rather tired of cabling with bluntish 5 mm bamboo dpns.

The ribbing at the lower body?  Not working.  But I couldn't get a handle on the precise nature of the problem until I had one sleeve in and bound off, to show me how the thing was going to sit on the torso (it always amazes me how sleeve and collar change the way the body sits on a body).
One of the things I have figured out in all these years of ripping and knitting is that I like zero to negative ease around the shoulders and chest - I like the fit of things to be clean there.  But I like about 2 inches of ease over the bendy, curvy bits.  To allow for the bending and curving.  Most patterns operate on more balanced geometry. 

Instead of decreasing downward at the rib transition, I should have applied the knowledge in my brain and INCREASED to the next size up for the bottom half.  There, I said it.  You were right (you know who you are).

(Bear in mind that there is two inches of ribbing to be knit along the fronts and collar, I'm not just imagining that the fronts will stay magnetically attached to my front.)

So I'm going to fool around with washing the swatch - well first I have to make one - to see if this superwash grows unexpectedly.  In which case the bottom might be fine, but the top too big.
Bridge. Cross. When. Get. To.

I'm thinking that I might clump the increases in two spots on the back, to create a bit of flair.  Since, well, that's where the flair is, if you know what I mean.  We'll see.  I fully expect that there will be ripping.  First a swatch with ribbing on two different need sizes, see if not decreasing a half mm makes a difference.

But I would like to know when I will remember that I have an ass?  This isn't a body image thing - unlike, say, my triceps, I have no beef with my ass.  It is not small, but I find it properly placed and quite functional and overall, a useful member of my panoply of parts.  But like the curve of the land, it must be planned for in construction projects.  And in this I appear to be an out of sight, out of mind kind of knitter.

Maybe I could leave myself a fridge note?  Like a giant post it.  Except that would maybe scare visitors.

(I love the internet.  Think 'Hey, I want a post-it for my blog", and Lo! Google delivers unto you.  Get yours here.)

Wheel Down!

I was spinning quite a bit this weekend and mostly having a fantastic time with it.  Have I mentioned yet that I learned to long draw?

It's really good.  I foresee spinning that results in yarn that results in sweaters in my future.

But when I was winding off a bobbin for storage, it kept catching, changing speeds a bit and snapping the single - which is a drag and seriously annoying, but also kinda weird.  Haven't had this kind of trouble since very early in my relationship with both spinning and the bobbin winder, and admittedly long draw is new...but the first bobbin went great.  So what the fuck? And then I noticed this flapping around the whorl:

Which would be two of the three plies of the drive band coiling loose around their remaining friend.

I had company this weekend and my whimpers drew her attention.   "So make a new one."

"I don't have any string."

You. Don't. Have. Any. String.

Ok fine, you stroppy cow, I have lots and lots of string, but none of the tight cotton cord that would work for this.  You want I should use merino?

"Well, what do you make drive bands out of?"

"It's never come up."

Which lead to more mocking and hilarity. (Only in this very particular social circle would never having tied a drive band be a cause for amused derision.  We are odd, by the way.)  But truthfully - I have a Victoria and a Suzie, both of which use those stretchy bands, and I have two production wheels, one of which spent a considerable amount of time in rehab this year - and could use a new band, now that I think of it.  And this one, which I have owned for exactly a year and which has just worn out its first band.

So I went into the kitchen and got my coat and bag - still wearing the tank top and sweatpants that are de riguer for Sunday afternoon spinning - and stood by the couch.

"Get up"

"wha....?"

"We're going to the store."

"My tea is hot."

"You can make more."

Pause.

"Can I put on real pants?"

And she looked at me.  "I know, only if I do it fast."

She paused to ask me a question as she went upstairs and I looked at her and said only "Wheel DOWN!"

So now I have a drive band and a spool of suitable cord for future incidents, which is a comfort, it is.  And some singles I am pretty pleased with.

I can't believe she wanted to drink tea at a time like that.  Honestly.  (I did have my vengeance though.  She showed me a pattern she was taken with - it's very good - and I had unbeatably better yarn in the stash for it.  It was sweet.)

I did discover something fun this weekend - buy six bottles of wine (see, not a completely awful hostess) and Wegman's gives you this cute little shopping tote.  Clearly a sign I need to drink more.  Because I need to reuse this.  It's the right thing to do.