My ass is bigger than Mr. Greenjeans'

and therein lies the rub.

All along I've been knitting this and trying it on and I thought it was OK.  One or two have ventured that it was maybe small, but I could tell the fit was fine, thank you very much.

We were both right.

The body and sleeve (only have one so far) - dandy.  Totally happy with it.  Though rather tired of cabling with bluntish 5 mm bamboo dpns.

The ribbing at the lower body?  Not working.  But I couldn't get a handle on the precise nature of the problem until I had one sleeve in and bound off, to show me how the thing was going to sit on the torso (it always amazes me how sleeve and collar change the way the body sits on a body).
One of the things I have figured out in all these years of ripping and knitting is that I like zero to negative ease around the shoulders and chest - I like the fit of things to be clean there.  But I like about 2 inches of ease over the bendy, curvy bits.  To allow for the bending and curving.  Most patterns operate on more balanced geometry. 

Instead of decreasing downward at the rib transition, I should have applied the knowledge in my brain and INCREASED to the next size up for the bottom half.  There, I said it.  You were right (you know who you are).

(Bear in mind that there is two inches of ribbing to be knit along the fronts and collar, I'm not just imagining that the fronts will stay magnetically attached to my front.)

So I'm going to fool around with washing the swatch - well first I have to make one - to see if this superwash grows unexpectedly.  In which case the bottom might be fine, but the top too big.
Bridge. Cross. When. Get. To.

I'm thinking that I might clump the increases in two spots on the back, to create a bit of flair.  Since, well, that's where the flair is, if you know what I mean.  We'll see.  I fully expect that there will be ripping.  First a swatch with ribbing on two different need sizes, see if not decreasing a half mm makes a difference.

But I would like to know when I will remember that I have an ass?  This isn't a body image thing - unlike, say, my triceps, I have no beef with my ass.  It is not small, but I find it properly placed and quite functional and overall, a useful member of my panoply of parts.  But like the curve of the land, it must be planned for in construction projects.  And in this I appear to be an out of sight, out of mind kind of knitter.

Maybe I could leave myself a fridge note?  Like a giant post it.  Except that would maybe scare visitors.

(I love the internet.  Think 'Hey, I want a post-it for my blog", and Lo! Google delivers unto you.  Get yours here.)

Comments

[Tracy]

I am having the same issue with my Greenjeans. I've tried to tell myself that that is just how the sweater is supposed to fit!

[lanea]

So, my friend John's Dad was Scottish, and very funny, and slightly mean for effect. And whenever any of us girls would go to the house to pick John up to go do something fun, his Dad would caterwaul down the stairs, in his deep, thick, perfect Glaswegian accent: "Son? Did you was you arse?" John never forgot his ass, lemme tell you.

[Sil]

Well that thank heaven I wasn't drinking my coffee while reading about you forgetting your ass. Make that up in a t-shirt and let me know where I can buy one.

I quite like the sweater and am sorry that you'll have to rip back and increase, but it's too cute to abandon in discontent. I am leery about your plan to add stitches just at the ass. You don't want an unbalanced hem that makes your ass droop (well not in real life). Certainly add proportionally more behind you, but don't forget the sides and front and achieve a balance - it's instinctive - you'll know when it's right. Buena suerte.

[fibergal]

I think science is too slow. I want one of those magic machines where we walk in, get scanned and out pops a body form that we can knit onto. I never know what my body looks like and whether thin or not so thin, can't always find myself in photos. Worse yet, my mental image of myself is always about 11 years old, running in the sunshine, playing in the grass. While I can easily overlook my physical changes, it is always harder to knit to them. Good luck. You are an inspiration to us all and I am dying to see how the sweater turns out. I have so many sweaters knit to my dimensions that look bad on me. This one may not fit your numbers, but it looked fabulous on you.

[DebbieB]

This is the funniest (and most real) thing I have read all day. Also, I too have an ass, and am knitting this same sweater - I will heed your advice and remember mine.

[Allison]

I hear what ysolda's saying. I just ran into this issue with my Siberian Collared Cardi. I thought I could put gussets in, but that didn't help. I pulled out the entire peplum and did one row of significant increases at the lower waist, then I added gussets around the arse. It's not finished, yet, but I can already tell that there is significantly less pulling towards the back. When you make a change in the gauge from one section to another, you can do a high quantity of increases on the transition row/round without creating a ruffle/flounce. The stitches are used up in the fabric's desire to even itself out.

Good luck!

[Mia]

Well, now I have to think about my Mr Greenjeans fitting my ass too. I am hoping mine fits but I always figured I could give it to my mom if I find it snugger than I like. Or I could frog it and reknit it. Might be time to put it on two needles and try it on before I go any further. And that certain person is not right. Maybe you were knitting it for her and you didn't want to let her know.

[Lucia]

I know just what you mean, although I have yet to finish a sweater for myself. (Sweater impaired. Anything else I can wing, but not sweaters.) A few years back all of a sudden all the skirts and pants fit fine in the, er, hips (I'm at work) and huge in the waist, or fine at the waist if I could have gotten them over the hippage. Hello, clothing manufacturers? What she said about bends and curves.

Anyhow, best of luck with the swatch... it's a great-looking sweater, anyway.

[Lizbon]

PS. This may go without saying, but there was much humorous snorting while I read this post. Fracking love the post-it.

[Lizbon]

Perhaps it is easy to forget one's ass because it is behind one. We don't, after all, forget our bosoms as easily.

[PICAdrienne]

I, too, encountered the problem, and ended up with about three inches of ribbing for the button band, and an almost shawl collar effect. I have been considering making it again, and going up a size for the cabled part of the sweater. I wear it all the time, even though I am not in love with the cut. It is warm and cozy.

[Martha]

I was just thinking a similar thing yesterday, as I put on the umpteenth sweater that was WAY too big in the waist (because I size for my boobs)--I need to change sizes mid-torso to allow for a smaller waist and a larger bust. Wish I'd thought of it a few years ago.

[Tsock Tsarina]

Your relationship with your ass (as to whose attributes in other respects, if I may say so, I quite agree with you) reminds me of the "Tragic Story":

There liv'd a sage in days of yore
And he a handsome pigtail wore
But wonder'd much and sorrow'd more,
Because it hung behind him.

He mus'd upon this curious case,
And swore he'd change the pigtail's place,
And have it hanging at his face
Not dangling there behind him.

Says he, "The mystery I've found, --
I'll turn me round," --
He turn'd him round,
But still it hung behind him.

etc. etc.

I'm wondering, though, whether it is altogether wise to "bunch" the increases too close to where your own increases are. It makes apparent sense structurally, but would it not tend to accentuate that which doesn't really need accentuating? Like to the point of exaggeration? Or cantilevering, almost? There are curvy spots at the sides too, after all. If 'twere me, I think I'd be inclined to share the wealth....

[Jocelyn]

I love that post-it! I may print it up and hang it on my fridge. I wonder what my daughters would think of that? I'm sorry to hear that ripping is forthcoming; I hate knowing that I'm about to rip out what I've just knit (which might explain why I often go on knitting something long past the point of reasonable denial).

BTW, thanks for the cleaning comments -- it's good to know I'm not the only one! My old, beloved, and very missed cat had extremely long fine fur, and we used to call her Ubik (from the Philip K. Dick book) because her fur was just everywhere. As you said, though, sanity trumps housecleaning every time (except when there's ripping in the offing...).

[Lia]

That post-it cracked me up.

Seriously, though, your post and the comments are very helpful.

[Stephanie]

God, I love being right.

[Marin]

The detachable penis song keeps going through my head for some reason.

Oh, for the detachable ass... our sweaters would fit much the better!

[Tara]

That is an awesome post-it!!! I think I'm going to have to print out some large ones and put them everywhere. Like in public places, so that we all remember our asses.

[Anne]

(safely out of range of thrown objects) I hope you can put this behind you soon.

[Spinning Fishwife]

It's top down, yup?

Then you know the answer to your problem, alas. Rip it back to where you should have increased and knit it again. Then you'll end up with a good, well fitting garment you'll wear, rather than something that will only cause you to feel sad and guilty that you don't wear it. Anyhow, you'll probably spend just as much time on a "quick" fix as a long one!

(Watching with interest, though, because this is on my "to do" list too.)

[heather]

heh. sorry to hear it though. i recently effed up a sweater myself by failing to account for just how much cable + rib pulls in. i haven't had the heart to rip yet, but good luck.

[Sarah]

Hee-hee. Seriously though, I know what you're talking about here. I still do not know how to solve or resolve or whatever needs to be done.

[Susan B]

I'm still working on learning to like not only my bum but also my hips. However, I have the following little haiku-like poem up where I can frequently see it to help me along on my journey towards bum/hip-lovingness......

homage to my hips
(by lucille clifton)

these hips are big hips
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!

[Gina]

That is great! I'm do you store your ass in the fridge or in the closet? I forget mine sometimes as well, and the result is similarly annoying. Is this top down? Can you pull out the ribbing and then reknit it with a few increases?

[Janine]

Same problem here ( waving hand madly in the air) I keep forgetting my actual shape when looking at garments on differently sized models ( god knows why). I have lost count of the number of perfectly good sweaters I have ripped after finishing because they just don't suit me. One day I will learn...