Waking.

It happened again yesterday, the most terrifying thing.

I have a long and deeply codependent relationship with my alarm clock.  I hate it, and yet need it; I sleep deeply in the mornings, the sleep of the chronically under-rested, the sleep of the habitually late.  And so I need it. 
But it rings and I start up like a heart attack, alert for predators, pulse rapid, startled, disoriented.
Or more accurately, it rings for 45 minutes and THEN I start up like a heart attack, when the cumulative noise manages to penetrate the thickness of my skull.
Anyone who's ever stayed in my house knows about this and I do, again, apologize.

Maybe a year ago I switched to the local classical station instead of the alarm.  It still takes 45 minutes for the noise to work its transformation on my consciousness, but it is MUCH nicer noise and generally the newscaster discussing the most recent suicide bombings on the hour finishes the job of getting me into the shower.  In the shower DEPRESSED at this point, of course, but vertical and conscious are the only things I require most days.  Cheerful would be expecting too much.

Recently they have been playing snippets from the soundtrack to Oklahoma as part of advertising for a local production.  A fine musical, but you have not experienced anxiety until you have been ripped into consciousness by a high volume rendition of "Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain..."  Twice.  They holler it a bit, don't they?

This morning I dreamed that my Thanksgiving turkey was going to war (I WISH I could recall against whom, I do) and woke up to the news report on Turkey's invasion of northern Iraq.  Sometimes dreams are just logic filtered through a half-alert system.  But the sleeping brain is weird indeed.

Things that are chapping my ass mightily this week:

The Virginia House has approved in a panel HB 1126 which makes what they call feticide and I call miscarriage or abortion a CLASS 4 FELONY (to clarify, this bill has been approved for consideration, not passed, as I understand it).  I refer you to the Fairfax Times.

Along with this is the proposed legislation in Missouri which would make law the scientifically inaccurate view that emergency contraception* causes abortions.  Via Feministing and Bitch PhD.

Not to mention the headline I saw in the check out aisle last week vilifying Angelina Jolie for daring to endanger the lives of her unborn children by visiting Iraq in pursuit of cheap publicity.  Which inflamed me.   

A woman, any woman, is not a vehicle for reproduction alone.  Her rights as a human being are not replaced the moment she conceives by the rights of the embryos inside her.  Women are not brood mares nor children incapable of self determination; pregnancy does not grant others the right to control my life and body or yours or hers for the sake of some fascist idea of the greater good as determined by someone in an office somewhere with a bad case of misogyny and fear of loss of status in an equal world.

Plus - this woman has a long history of commitment to humanitarian work.  Whether you like or respect her or not, I think the accusation of publicity seeking is a reach, and another way to diminish her for daring to step outside of the box marked "sex object".

In Dallas last week security at the Obama rally was relaxed several hours before the event began - apparently on orders from the SECRET SERVICE.  To make the event move along faster.  Never had any intention of screening everyone.  Uh huh.  The Secret Service disagrees with the accusation of course, but have any other candidate's campaign events had security relaxed this way?  Am I paranoid to find this significant? 

I'm not really going anywhere with this, just needed to get it off my chest.  If you have a state or federal legislator connected to any of these things and you find them troubling I encourage you to say so. 

Which reminds me of this completely fantastic thing: a few months ago a guy stopped by my office.  Usually these wandering pitchmen get short shrift, but he was kind of interesting, or what he was selling was: he worked with an organization called National Write Your Congressman.  Which is kind of awesome - I get these weekly faxed summaries of what congress is up to, and mailing packets with postcards for writing my congressman.  Last week they sent me a book containing the text of important American documents - when was the last time I sat down and really read the Bill of Rights, or the 14th amendment?   And if I have a question about specific issue, they will be happy to send me research on the specifics.

I wonder about the long term effectiveness of all this stuff of course - can all our single voices change anything? - but you know, years ago my dad was having trouble getting an invoice honored by a state authority.  And he wrote to his congressman.  And it helped.  Small example and small business oriented, I admit.  But silence never got anything done at all.

Added later: * originally and erroneously read 'emergency conception'.  Which would be a rather different sort of thing.

Comments

[Thalia]

I have the rage as well.

Rock on.

Oh, and the classical music station is my choice too - it takes me at least 30 minutes to haul my ass out of bed, but it's more pleasant than the static-y blare of rock music that would give me palpitations.

[claudia]

Miss you.

[Carol]

Oh yes, lawmakers are trying to pass a similar "feticide" bill in Canada too. I have already written my MP.

[lanea]

Ahhhh, Virginia. It is a constant pain in my ass, this State Legislature I have. I will say that the chances of that particular Constitution-assaulting piece of legislation making it much further are not that big. But still. I hate them.
We live in a world full of pigs. Pigs, I say!

[Lynn]

I work for a state agency. If your elected officials cannot straighten out something that clearly Should be straightened out, when brought to their attention, you need different elected officials. About that latter point, of course, I could go on and on, but you already know what I mean.

[Adrienne]

Ugh. In addition to those laws being rather appalling, I'm finding myself appalled by those who oppose them by saying it will "leave millions of rural Missouri women without access to a safe and reliable form of birth control." Missouri women can't get their hands on regular birth control pills or other forms of contraception? I'm pretty sure they can, considering you have to be able to get to a pharmacy for the "Plan B". That's ridiculous. Womens' lack of ability/willingness/ignorance in taking care of their own reproductive system bugs me only slightly less than the pro-lifers.

As for the security at the Obama event... yep that brought out the conspiracy theorist in me.

[Beth S.]

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

Sigh.

[Jackie]

I am a morning sleeper too - I don't know why it is that I can't sleep deeply or dream until 5 or 6 in the morning, but there it is.

Fortunately, Eric gets up before me, and wakes me up for good when he's leaving the house, so I haven't had to wake up to an alarm in 3 years. It's changed my mornings completely - it's so JARRING to wake up to an alarm - even thinking about it makes my chest tighten up a little bit.

[meg]

Ahhh ... shades of "The Handmaid's Tale". When I first read it I was shocked by how plausible it sounded ... and now, it seems, we are on our way down that road.

[Erica]

Now you've got my feminist hackles up...who exactly is it that thinks that making abortion illegal is a good idea? No, don't answer that. I probably know, and there are way too many of them. It would take a lot to make me have an abortion, but damn it, don't tell me that I have no right to choose! I think Thanksgiving turkeys going to war makes almost as much sense as anything else going on in this crazy country/world!

[Laurie]

Just when you think we have evolved. Don't know if you know about this organization or not, http://wcfonline.org/sites/wcf/ they are all about getting pro-choice women into office. In any public office. Get women into elected positions and in decision-making roles.

[Sarahfish]

Why do I want to shout Woo Hoo!? I would be hopping mad if my representatives regarded me in that light, too. As if.

And about the morning thing? If you ever get it figured out please do share. I am completely the same way. Only I get woken up by my alarm and my 4 year old. "Muuuummmmmmm.... I really REALLY want you to get up now!"

My dad used to put on The Gypsy Kings at full volume to get me up in the morning...

[Lizbon]

Have you read a book called (I think; can't find it on shelf now to check. Okay, full disclosure: too tired and/or lazy to get off couch to check) The Futures of Women?

Written by some futurists (which job I want next), it lays out four potential scenarios for global and domestic politics, then outlines how each scenario will affect the position, rights, and lives of women in various parts of the world. Three out of four of them are awful, as I recall, and these news items sound straight out of one of the worst.

[Jocelyn]

How do these things keep happening? It's like some bad Heinleinian vision of the future. As if all women exist to serve a single purpose -- to bear children. Grrr... (This has to be one of the most incoherent responses to a post I've ever written, but it just makes me want to spit!)

[Mel]

But, but, what if the murdered unborn is a male child, who could've grown up to be CEO of a multinational conglomerate or POTUS or the Second Coming? Why, somebody must protect his rights, which are clearly more important than those of his vessel of conception, the fertile field which his father ploughed and in which he sowed his precious seed.

Honestly, do we really need Virginia and Missouri? Can't we just close off the borders and offer refuge to any women and queer folk who wish to escape?

[The Other Kristen]

I can't remember if I posted this here before, but re: the alarm clock heart attack, I must recommend any kind of "sunrise" alarm clock. It changed my life. I wake up realizing that I'm awake, instead of think someone's just bashed my head with a dutch oven.

[Melanie]

I have nothing to say that is not primarily swear words. Incoherent, ranty swear words, at that.
Give me a nice, solid pragmatist rather than these ideological whackjobs who think they've got the right to control someone else's body.

[Hester from Atlanta]

RE THE SLEEPINESS IN THE MORNING: An idea that you may not have thought of. I have not been able to wake up very well for years and years. Recently, I was diagnosed with sleep apena and I have a CPAP machine and it has made all the difference in the world. Turns out 3 members of my family and I all got tested and received CPAP machines within a year of each other. We are ALL MUCH LESS GROUCHY than we used to be.
Best- Hester from Atlanta

[jen]

It passed & is now in committee: http://www.richmondsunlight.com/bill/2008/hb1126/history/

The amended text of the bill is here: http://www.richmondsunlight.com/bill/2008/hb1126/fulltext/

I am spitting mad.

[Dr. Steph]

I read all this (and my own rantings) and have decided that while women are being told we're equal to men (or have 'achieved equality') by the powers that be (from Governments to the cast of Desparate Housewives) we're still being treated like inferiors who cannot control their own bodies and need state assistance for our own protection.

[Tanya]

Okay, I was really confused for a minute there until I realized you had a minor typo - I couldn't figure out what might qualify as "emergency conception." :) Then I went and read the article and figured out it was emergency *contraception*. Makes much more sense. As for the proposed legislation, are they trying to move us back to the days when women risked their lives having back alley abortions?! I also noted that there is no mention of exceptions for women who have been raped, sexually abused, and/or are the victims of incest. I guess they just have to suck it up and deal? Does anybody have a clue-by-four handy?

[Lynn in Tucson]

Amen, sister.

[Jana]

Interesting post, I think the thing about Angelina Jolie is just strange. I hadn't heard about it, so people think she's endangering her unborn kids by going to Iraq? But what about the kids who have to live in Iraq everyday? I guess they don't matter or something? Sorry, I just watched 'No End in Sight' last night and that's what's got me chapped today. Glad you awoke, watch out for that turkey!

[Kat with a K]

Oh, I have had many of what I call "NPR dreams." Sometimes I can't remember whether something was an actual news story or part of a dream.

About Obama: I believe that he's the only candidate given Secret Service protection because of his candidacy. (The Clintons still have it, of course.) So he's way more protected than most, in general. I don't know anything about the specific incident you mention, though.

[Amy]

You sound like me in the morning. I only play the annoying "EEEp, EEEEp!" in the morning, because I don't want dreams about turkeys, but my body goes so far as to shut off the alarm clock, fall back asleep, and start dreaming as if I'm getting ready, all to fool myself into staying in bed. The sleeptracker intrigues me, but the price is not for my budget.

Don't inflame me any more about our country's war on science and religious justifications. I'll turn into a manic and go on a rampage, throwing test tubes filled with formaldehyde and wielding a gynecology book while I charge the White House.