Base Notes

When I was a wee lass I went to boarding school.  I think it was the first time I became aware of stuff as desirable in a way that related to other people.  Not that I never wanted anything prior to sleep away school: I liked shiny things as much as anyone - makeup and I were old friends,  I liked pretty clothes and blown-glass horses standing on a sunlit shelf.  What book bag one carried was socially significant.  Hell, I got up and curled my hair before school every day, something I have a great deal of trouble believing now, and yet, I remember it.  I know I did it.  There were trendy girls and not, and I knew I was Not.  But I don't think I had yet had a moment where I looked at someone else's stuff and coveted it, pined for it.   Mostly, if I had enough to read I was happy, though envious of the more petite and socially graceful.

But in boarding school there were girls with money, girls who brought their own rugs to the dorm, girls who had more shoes than I had novels, girls who liked New Wave, girls with Good Jewelry, girls wearing those Guatemalan woven hooded shirts with the pouch in the front, girls who collected vintage dresses.  It was a word of stuff such as I had never imagined.  Some of it was healthy - choosing things to represent who you are and want to be is normal I think - and some of it was money substituted for love or peace (and it was still a lot more innocent than the mass marketed consumerism we live with today).  It was a world before aspartame.  A world before the internet and all the acquisitive impulses that has fertilized.

The first day I was there I fell in love with "American Pie"* as well as with the idea that you could hear of a song and track it down and listen to it - oh, this world before iTunes, where you had to look for old vinyl if you wanted it.  And it wasn't long before I had a poster of Adam Ant, another by Robert Doisneau, a crush on Simon Le Bon, the beginnings of a fine collection of dangling earrings (come to think of it, I had those when I got there), a new opinion of the clothes my mother bought for me and a collage of words and images cut out of magazines hanging on my wall. 

One of the things that lots of girls had that I had never considered for myself was perfume - my mother had perfume she rarely wore and yet cherished, my grandmother traveled in a terrible cloud of Opium.  This was grown up stuff.  Not for me.  But the little bottles fascinated, the tiny samples of fantasy you could send away for.  I ordered Tatiana - something about the shape of the bottle, the description spoke to me and I waited for it and adored it except that I hated the way it smelled.  Hated it.  There was another, something with roses, that provoked the same loathing.

It was a lesson that took some time to assimilate, that affectation is useless, that you can't wear it or be it if it isn't you.  Scent is visceral.

Somewhere along the way I fell hard for Obsession and wore it it a toxic 80s cloud through college, alternately with Fendi and Chanel 22 and one or two others I think I owned for the bottle rather than the smell.  The imagery of perfume advertising captured me far more than fashion did, this idea of bottled identity, projected personality, applied confidence, the way perfume allowed boys and girls to bridge the gap between each other, an excuse to move closer, a catalyst for the profound intimacy of breathing someone in, the way scent changes with time and sweat to define evenings, moments, memories.  There was a boy in college I loved.  We kissed once and the whole evening is scent-colored in my head, tied together with vanilla and amber and terror and hope and desert air.  I think that might have been the beginning of the end of Obsession, that and I swear they changed the formula along the way.  Much sweeter now, almost intolerably so.

Later I wore Fracas - which was worn in a book and I fell in love with it and found it and adored it for real, then Agent Provocateur.....then nothing for most of my 30s, except on special occasions.   I tried clean scents, green teas and grapefruits, daytime scents, but they didn't stick.  Mostly they smell like the detergent aisle at the supermarket to me, scent afraid to be a smell.  They have no dirt in them, no life.  I like dirt.  Eventually I got rid of the old bottles - keeping just Fracas, Agent Provocateur which I still loved, and an old bottle of Obsession I never touch but still smile when I see.

Perfume was a branding idea in someways, a projection of what I wanted to be but was not quite yet and around the time I started therapy I think I stopped trying to project something - sexy! mature! confident! clean! professional! - and started trying to be it instead.  Whatever it was going to turn out to be.  I stopped wearing makeup regularly at the same time, and took up exercise instead, and casual clothing.  I went inside my head, not to hide, but to do a little work.  How could I assume an identity when I was actively trying to map my own?

I've come to miss it though, the enhancement of image, the mood interaction, the fantasy, the engagement of the senses.  I have a much better idea of who I am now and it occurred to me recently that I want that again.  Lipstick.  Dresses.  To enjoy the scent rising off my own skin.   It's a flirtatious impulse obviously, but not just in a sexual sense.  I have this desire to engage with the world more, to meet people's eyes, to talk to them, to hear them, to have my shutters open.   To have gravity on my personal planet.

Which led to my falling down the rabbit hole into Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs.   Some of you are probably familiar with them - the gothic perfumer.  They have perfume oils with literary antecedents and florid atmosphere, fantastic descriptions and complicated associations.  And they sell samples of most of their scents.  Perfect for the mild obsessive on a personal quest.

It's a site that demands a certain amount of surrender to the inside of the creator's mind, and it overwhelmed me for a long while.  Couldn't give in.  I would try to pick out six to try and get confused by what was sample-able and what wasn't.  How everything interacted.  How to find something when I wanted it.  So I would click away.   But a few months ago, I wasn't overwhelmed, I was enthralled.    I ordered a bit of this and a bit of that and was charmed to my toes by the story each perfume was crafted to represent.  It is brilliant, almost performance art.  Is this my story?  Do I only think so until the reality of a scent hits my system?  What do I like?  Why? What am I surprised to like or hate?

 

I've been trying one or two every day - depending on how I like it or how long it lasts.  I have dozens and dozens.  I'm going to have elimination rounds.  I'm on a mission.  I'm having so much fun. 

 

* While I was looking this up to add the link and reading about how Killing Me Softly was an inspired by American Pie, Killing me Softly came on the radio.  Literally as I read the words. How spooky is that?

Comments

[Lene]

I'm having an intensely nostalgic moment here. I discovered Fidji when I was in my late teens and it was just me. Tried a few others, but always came back. Can't wear it now because of the blasted asthma, but I miss that one. Subtle, fresh, a hint of exotic. Hey - just realized a had a "signature scent". I feel so sophisticated all of a sudden. ;)

[weeza]

I have long been looking for my 'signature scent'. I fell in love with Eternity after chasing someone down the street and asking her what it was she wore (she was a bit freaked out), dashed into the nearest outlet and liberally sprayed on the tester. On random strangers, divine. On me, bag of arse. Rinse, repeat. Soooo disappointing.

[Kelly]

Have you seen the blog, Invisible Magnet? I've become very interested in it recently, as the author(s) have the gift of being able to describe scent in ways that actually make sense to me - unlike the press release "descriptions" that cheapo perfumes go for. She talks about how she chooses certain scents, even for other people, and how she mixes different perfumes for certain effects. It is mesmerizing, and I think you would enjoy it. :-)

[annie]

i have been dancing on the edge of BPAL for some weeks now. i think you're doing it exactly right; collect a bowl-full, and go into elimination rounds. ya. that's it.

[Samantha]

Ha!! To me, the Lauren perfume in the brown square bottle will, forever, be Punkin Fisher - remember her?

In college, my friend wore Liz Clairborne, and if I smell it, to this day she is what I see in my head. Another one wore Eternity, and my best guy-friend wore Grey Flannel. I told him he smelled like bug-spray, but I grew to love that scent!

The only thing I can stand to wear now is Bobby Brown's BEACH. I think it is because I am land-locked in the hottest place on the planet and desperately, DESPERATELY, need sand between my toes.

[Shannon B]

Sandalwood essential oil, neat.

[Lynn]

Please let me know if would would rather not have your name and blog on mine:)

[Melanie]

I love your posts...I just got back into perfume wearing after years of wearing none (or almost none--I have a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for super special occasions) because I'd get an allergic reaction if I did. Which made me sad, because I love smelly stuff.

And then I discovered BPAL and have discovered (through several imp ordering binges) 1. that I'm really picky about perfumes, 2. that I like musky perfumes best, 3. that used judiciously my skin won't freak out, and that 4. Lampades and Baghdad from BPAL make me smile every time I catch a whiff rising from my skin.

[Anne]

BPAL is evilllll. I routinely order a batch of imps from them to try and I am always astounded at what I like, or don't like. I want to know how they make the layered scents appear as the day goes on. The science of that is fascinating.

[mamacate]

I'm not sure it's really wise to admit this, but I actually wear Tatiana. It's the scent my kids associate with me. I totally get how it would be too flowery, but with my weird body chemistry I think it works. Could be wrong, but haven't seen too many people gag as I pass. I'm surprised and a little chagrined that the sample of white musk I got at the body shop last month is actually getting more play than the Tatiana. And is actually quite similar, even though I usually avoid anything with the word musk in it. Go figure.

In high school, I was all about jasmine essential oil bought from the nation of islam guys in the subway. Quite a different trajectory really. And far too much self-disclosure, probably due to a long night of solo parenting and two glasses of malbec.

I do have the Black Phoenix site, unexamined, sitting in another browser tab. I fear the literature, not the scents, will not be to my taste. Off to find out...

Good night gracie.

[anon.]

Good for you with branching out from mass marketed perfumes and for trying lovely hand-blended, magical creations. Word to the wise, stay away from the forums - talk about toxic! I think what's nice about BPAL is experimenting with a smaller, niche company like that opens you up to so many other possibilities with regard to fragrance; you may also want to look at Possets and Arcana as well, if you find you are quite taken with perfume oils created with intent.

[Lee Ann]

I actually dressed up as Adam Ant once, complete with makeup job and high boots, and went to a concert of his in Boston when I was young and dating someone equally prone to wearing eyeliner. M. Ant sang a song to me.

I haven't worn ruffled blouses since.

How's that for a base note, dude? ;-)

[Jennie]

Wonderful post. You made me realize how much my perfume and scent memories are tied to my mom. I started off with Love's Baby Soft, like so many others, but she gently steered me to L'air du Temps after a bit. My sister fell in love with Cristalle de Chanel after that and I wore it for ages. Then Mom chose Liz Claiborne for me and I fell in love all over again. I think I'll try BPAL myself. The scent of Dirt is so compelling.

Ironically, mom loves Tresor now and I just hate it. Her sense of smell is going and it sure doesn't smell to me the way it does to her.

That's OK. I'm Clinique Happy Heart now.

[Tsarina of Tsocks]

Um. Also your voyage.

Sheesh.

[Tsarina of Tsocks]

Mary Chess "Tuberose": my grandmother.
Caron "Fleurs de Rocaille": my mother, but only on gala evenings - most of the time she smelled of beach and garden.

I don't think you can get either one any more.

Me, I pretty much gave up on extraneous scents years ago because they seem to sour on me when I wear them. But the last time I was seriously tempted it was by Demeter (http://www.demeterfragrance.com/). "Tomato Seed" was pretty seductive - but really, they had me at "Dirt."

Give you joy of your vorage of discovery.

[Samantha Hoyt Lindgren]

Scent memories are very strong for me. I can be wholly transported to another time and place with just a whiff. My mother wore L'Air de Temps by Nina Ricci when I was a child, usually just when she went out, so I have those lipstick kiss memories other talk of. But I bonded with that scent and then in high school my principal, who was a good friend and mentor, also wore the same fragrance. Which was another opportunity for me to connect maternal protection with that perfume. Tea Rose was big when I was in high school. But there was this unwritten rule, when someone started wearing a scent it as theirs. I think I also wore Fracas for a period. There was a guy in college, Greek, smoldering darkly handsome guy who was so wrong for me. But I flirted with him unabashedly. Anytime I smell his cologne, the name of which I have since forgotten, I can bring up his face and the way my heart would race when I sensed (smelled) him around.
My first personal identification with a perfume was with Cristalle by Chanel which I discovered on a waitress I worked with one summer in early college years. Before that time there were some bad run-ins with stinky stuff (Ciara by Revlon would make me nauseous if I got caught in a subway car with someone wearing it). I wore Cristalle through college but then when I was a year or so out I encountered Molinard de Molinard, again on a fellow waitress (trend?) and I was totally and utterly hooked. Wore that perfume for about 20 years. Seeing someone else mention it above was the catalyst that propelled me to post a comment. I'm not wholly sure why I stopped wearing any perfume, but I didn't just quit Molinard I quit the practice. Maybe it had something to do with going into the food business (which I have since gone back out of) But there are moments when I miss that scent rising from my body as well. There was a real identity to it, my clothes smelled like it even when I wasn't in them. I actually could rarely smell it myself, I was so within that fragrance.

I tried recently to get back into the scent habit. Last summer while puttering with tomatoes in the garden I wondered if anyone made a perfume that smelled like the leaves of tomatoes. Googled the idea and came up with Christopher Brosius, I hate Perfume. Ordered some samples, one of which did smell like tomato leaves in the bottle, but on me it turned into bad mens cologne. I did order a bottle of his Burning Leaves which I quite like, but I can't seem to get back into the habit. Feel vaguely like I am being unfaithful to Molinard... Weird, huh? Complicated. Maybe I should try the oil mentioned.

You write the most interesting posts...

[The Other Kristen]

Oh, what fun. I am a bit startled to see how much of your fragrance history overlaps with mine: loving the Tatiana bottle (but not the perfume); an Obsession phase (it took me a long time to toss the bottle after the scent no longer thrilled me; I adore that sensually ovoid creation); and then...Fracas! I spilled (!) my first bottle of the perfume when it was still about half full, and couldn't afford to replace it, so bought the eau de cologne, which doesn't smell the same. A few years later, bought another bottle of the perfume, and found that I really couldn't wear it: it made me sneeze and sometimes gave me headaches. Now, I occasionally try a tiny tiny tiny dab of it; no sneezes and headaches, but not the same head over heels love I used to have. I know my body chemistry has changed in the past decade (my soon-to-end thirties), so I guess that has something to do with it, but I still adore the Fracas bottle above all else.

I had a brief fling with Angel in the '90s, when it was still fairly new, but left the bottle in a hotel room. I still love the scent, but not on me. I have lately fallen for Stella, which surprises me in because: 1) I don't like to purchase "celebrity" perfumes; 2) I have spent most of my life avoiding anything with a clearly identifiable rose fragrance. The rose in this one is somehow different. It's "rose," undeniably, but more interesting.

That said, I wear perfume maybe once a month, and try to be as lighthanded as possible!

[Martha]

I too learned a valuable lesson about perfume in boarding school: you can use the cheap stuff to remove indelible marker from painted surfaces. The downside is your dorm room smells like Blue Grass for days. I am still using perfume to remove Sharpie traces to this day--only now I use better perfume.

[Tygher Knits]

I gave up on BPAL a long time ago. I have way too much oil that I will never wear before it all goes rancid. In fact, I have a non-literal ton of those annoying little imps I can's stand to keep around. I love what I have, and if I went back I'm sure I would find another dozen scents I had to have .. but it's a costly obsession I just can't afford.

[moiraeknittoo]

I have to laugh, because I recommend BPAL to everyone who likes smellythings. Whatever you do, don't get sucked into the Lunacy and/or exclusive collection things, because that way lies madness. I adore the Lunacies, and nearly all of them have worked on me, but I kind of struck out with the latest Tiki collection. And if you ever want to try a scent but don't want to order, let me know. I likely have it. Either in sample or bottle form.

Are you noticing a trend on what works for you? I'm diggin' Anactoria and Sapphics lately, as the amber, it is my favorite. I hope I can find my bottle of Beltane for tomorrow!

[S.Kate]

Loved this post. Wow. Love's Baby Soft here. Jean Nate. Charlie. Any thing with musk would give me a headache. Haunted the drug store isles sniffing testers. Actively avoided and dodged those desperate department store patrolling spritzers. Discovered I had good body chemistry with Gloria Vanderbilt and later, Stetson. Not Lady Stetson. I liked the way the man cologne smelled on me better.

Nothing now. But I'm sorely tempted to go look at BPAL.

Thanks for an enjoyable and thought provoking read.

[Marin]

First: Boarding school!? Nifty. As you can imagine, anyone who's read a lot of boarding school but never been... it's a fascinating thought. Probably way more fascinating than you find it. I want to call you Juno Eyre.

Second:

http://theresalduncan.typepad.com/

I think you'd like her perfume posts (if you haven't already read them). I think they're marvelous.

Heck, you might like most of her posts.

Third:

I've worn perfume almost every day since I was about 14. My mother loved Obsession and bought it for me for years, though I didn't think it was as fabulous as she did. A lady I babysat for gave me Tabu (yukyukyukyucccchh) for Christmas -- it was what she wore and her whole house reeked of it. Mom wore Chanel No. 5 and when I was a kid, it always meant Mom and Dad were going out that evening and I could almost taste the lipstick before she even kissed me goodnight, just smelling her perfume. These days I'm loving Thierry Mugler Angel Innocent. It smells like grapefruit and cocoa on me, which is nicer than it sounds.

How I do go on... see how evocative even reading about scent is? This made me happy, Juno -- thanks.

[Jocelyn]

Great post, and wow did you evoke some memories for me of high school and college (curling irons -- what was I thinking?! Duran Duran -- what was I thinking?!). While I have never been a perfume person, I do have the same kind of fascinated flirtation with lipstick; it is something that I want to want, that I'd like to find the right color of, that I like how I look in, but that I sometimes veer away from. I'm off to check out that perfume site -- thanks for the recommendation.

[Allison]

BPAL rocks!! I actually just ordered some bigger bottles. Croquet and Unicorn. They smell divine on me. And now I have 12 new imp scents to try. So much scent, so little time.

[Gina]

I adore BPAL! I haven't ordered in ages, and I recently experienced the beginnings of a tickle for some new perfume. I think you have sealed the deal for me.