Good Stuff.

So I didn't go to Maryland S&W.  Or Connecticut.  Nor will I go to New Hampshire this coming weekend.  I would actually like to go to NH but I can't face the drive this year.  Between gas prices and available time, I just can't.   I'm going to spend the gas money on dirt and flowers and spend some of next weekend grubbing in my back yard.

Instead I hope to go to SOAR again in the fall.

The festivals are truly wonderful, particularly as a way to connect with what I like to call the like-mindedly odd, and of course to shop.   They can encourage frenzy in the unprepared.  Or even the prepared with insufficient emotional resources.
If I needed to supplement the wool erupting in every corner of my house. 
Which I really don't. 
I had friends over last week and I was showing off stash - the way one does (Or is that just me?) - and I just got kinda flummoxed.  I have at least three fleeces unwashed in my kitchen in the corner (Maybe the garden grubbing can be supplemented with some fleece washing?)  At least 5 processed into roving.  One three that are washed but still locks or partially locks or half carded.  It goes on.
And that doesn't count the bags from the Spinning Bunny, the roving from the Woolen Rabbit, Spinners Hill, Buckwheat Bridge, Carolina Homespun, Spunky Eclectic, Abby Franquemont.  All gorgeous and inspirational materials.

This is just off the top of my head.  And does not include yarn.  And I do not have the least among stashes, if you dig what I am saying. (Is this like every stash reduction post in blog land?  I hope not.  As a note, I am comfortable collecting wool as a hobby, but want to collect not heedlessly grab and horde.   Fine line sometimes?)

Perspective, children, is what I need.  Perspective and goals (I suck at goals, my whole life I have sucked at goals. So maybe intent is a better word.)

Perspective and Intent.

I love fiber.  I want it to continue to be a force for good in my life.  Which means it can not always be a primary line item in my budget, an excuse for heedless acquisition without purpose or a place to hide from the rest of my life.
Sometimes that's what hobbies are, a refuge.  And that is good, shelter from the storm is essential.
But it can go wrong too - I was watching some frenzy of acquisition on some board somewhere recently, someone gnashing and weeping because she had missed out on some exclusive yarn somewhere and I was startled to discover that I understood her upset.  My rational mind was all - dude that's crazy, it's yarn - and my irrational mind was all - let me corner the market on this, my preciousssss.
This was right around when I chased down some rare sock yarn last week.  Because you know, I am SUCH a sock knitter.
But it tied into what I have been thinking about recently, about that perspective and intent.  I'm not 14 any more.  I don't give a shit that I am not a cool kid.  I have LOTS of shoes and yarn and more importantly, a home and friends and family and thoughts and dreams and hopes and the best cat in the world.  I woke up in a pool of sunlight in the first world, I am tall and strong and healthy and I am so fucking lucky I can hardly look at it sometimes.

But there have totally been times I was in danger of pulling the refuge in after me, of having the shelter become a cage, of becoming so obsessed with the tangibles of fiber stuff that I forgot the intangibles of it, the depth that is possible, to appreciate, to see.   Forgetting that there will always be something else exquisite to discover, always be another fleece, another yarn.   I hate that me, that forgetting, greedy me.

For this to work, I need to learn, I need to have balance and I need to be traveling somewhere - and I don't mean New Hampshire.  I mean if I try and have every festival, every moment crammed in, I won't SEE any of it.  I mean I need to take the learning and DO something with it. 
I need to knit a sweater that challenges me. 
Spin more than 3 ounces of a single fiber.  Knit something with it.
Learn to use the knitting machine that's been behind the couch for 2 years. 
Sew up some of the fabric piled in the guest room, be damned to mistakes.

Be damned to mistakes is it, really.  No one is imperiled by my fiber mistakes.  Not even me.

I read something great about mindfulness recently and if I could remember where I would give you a link - but she made the point that mindfulness wasn't getting it right every time, it was trying as much as possible, making small corrections, failing sometimes and keeping the arc of progress going even when intent falters in a moment.

So SOAR is my choice this year, to learn and apply that learning, to find inspiration and the tools to follow it somewhere, instead of every festival in a chaotic spring of blurred experience.  Less buying (Notice I don't say NONE), more using.  Lots of talking to people.  Maybe some beer.  Moments savored not gulped.  Sunlight.  Sheep pictures.  Laying on the grass.

Still going to Rhinebeck though. 

Come ON.

Comments

[anne]

i am eyeing a trip to SOAR this year too . . . just to get away; i think it would be a really great break from my desk.

[JoVE]

very thought provoking. I still have a half-washed fleece that I bought at NH, what was it 2 years ago?

[Julia]

Here,here. I gotta say, that part about collecting yarn got me. You're very right, my hobby, my passion, is knitting,and fiber, but I am a collector of yarn. Never thought of it that way. Just ask the sweaters worth of red Magpie Tweed that's been in my stash for years.

[Deborah C.]

I went to MDS&W this weekend, with my parents, eldest daughter and a good friend. I slipped and bought more than I should, but I entirely agree with trying not to buy so much. I have so little time, and so much stash to use up... Rhinebeck may be just for gawking and not buying.

[laughingmuse]

I love this post - and I understand what you are saying. I think being at my first MSWF this year finally inspired me to start casting on for new projects without worrying if they will be perfect, or if I should use the yarn for something else, or or or.

Sometimes it is good to step back, to breathe, and to really enjoy.

But I also went to the festival not really prepared, and had a bit of a spending frenzy! Now learning to spin, and cast on for a new project. The positive energy there was a wonderful recharge. I'm going to have to think about Rhinebeck.

[Jana]

I'm just as big a sucker for a yarn sale as anybody, lately I try to combat the stash by reminding myself that it's the "activity" part of the hobby that I truly cherish. The "having" part of the yarn is nice, but is really nothing compared to how much I love the activity.

That and one day I realized that no matter how much time I try to carve out of the schedule to knit a pair of socks will always take me at the very least 3 weeks. Compare that with the amount of sock yarn in the stash and well, I don't want to be knitting with that yarn for that long. So now basically I postpone buying, so that I can buy again sooner. It sounds like nonsense, but in my head it's logical, I swear.

[KnittinDoula]

When you wrote "...she made the point that mindfulness wasn't getting it right every time, it was trying as much as possible, making small corrections, failing sometimes and keeping the arc of progress going even when intent falters in a moment." I pictured a tiny toddler, just having learned to walk. She takes a few over-balanced steps and sits down hard on her well-diapered end. She giggles and gets back up as quickly as she can with whatever help she finds (the sofa, mommy's hand, the dog) and goes until it happens again. And again. That's what I will put in my head when I next "go boom." Thanks for the reminder. :)

[Marin]

I have stash revelations to blog some time soon. I had to clean the yarn room/library and... eye opener.

But I do have to commend you. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem (let's look at this metaphorically; I in NO WAY think you have a problem, and I suspect you don't in so many semantics either). I find the first step in getting something actually done about it is to put it way out in the public. Like on the blog.

So you can cross that off your to-do list. And I'm eagerly awaiting news of the knitting machine, as I'm equally attracted and repelled by the idea and want to see what someone (and by "someone," I mean "you") makes of it.

[Anne]

I go back and forth (the way I do with eating) and usually wind up on the side of excess (also like eating). I do find that stuff expands to fit the aloted space, and out of sight is out of mind, and there is something incredibly tempting about that *one thing* you can't get your hands on.

[Melanie]

I hear you. I'll be going to NH but mostly for soap and other show-related goodies. And, apparently, a Tsock kit.

[Rainy]

Yes. That. Exactly. I'm in the process of moving house and have had to confront my own unwieldy stash. Realizing that I was hoarding and not really using or enjoying any of it really was an eye opener. I've been making a concerted effort to really use what I have already.

[Daniele]

I totally understand the hoarding thing. I have a pretty good-sized stash myself, but I know within a few years it will be hard to contain. The "knitting thing" just started a few years ago for me. The hoarding thing? I've had that for awhile. I can remember a time on e-bay when I had to buy almost every single latch-hook rug kit that I could find that had to do with animals from Africa. I am pretty sure I have about 20 of the very large (27 x 20)latch hook kits. Yeah. Hopefully someone in my family line will find them one day and do them up. Obviously, since I've been working on the same damn African elephant since 2003, it ain't gonna be me........

[Mome-rath]

You know, I think being "damned to mistakes" is exactly it, for me. I always have more ideas than time to execute them all (story of my life), but with fabric, yarn, and reference books, especially, the reason for that is the fear of mistakes. I'll buy fabric to make a dress, or a quilt, or whatever (or yarn for a sweater), with these grand ideas for the finished product, but then more often than not it just gets stashed rather than used. I tell everyone that the reason is that I just don't have time to make said dress, quilt, or whatever, but I suspect the *real* reason is that I'm afraid of investing all that time, energy, and beautiful fabric into something I very well might fuck up. Of course, one can never reach the point of having confidence/skill to finish a piece *without* that learning curve, those fuck-ups. So I've set up a pretty little vicious cycle for myself, haven't I? Oh, but what a lovely stash I have!

[Cassie]

Yes.

[donna lee]

I don't understand the whole "have to have a large stash" thing. I have some sock yarn because I like making socks but other than that I buy what I need to make what I want. I know this makes me odd but I am not into acquisition for the sake of acquisition. I don't have the patience for the space that all that stuff would take up! Ask my family how difficult it is when a gift giving holiday comes around and they are trying to figure out what to give me.

[LauraJ]

I am going to Sam's graduation instead of NH Sheep and Wool and I am sorry to miss the people but not the temptation. I might go to MA to see the people, though. Only I know some wool will happen. I have cut back in wool. I try to cut back in general, and then I make a quilt. Skipped the deli the other to be thrifty, went to hardware store, bought two Adirondack chairs. This was not a net savings....

Incidentally, happy birthday.

[bethini]

Wow, what a wonderful, thoughtful post. You've really hit home with me with the line "an excuse for heedless acquisition without purpose or a place to hide from the rest of my life" -- I had to stop, sip my tea, and read it over a few more times. Your post is still echoing around inside my head.

[Mel]

Well, just so long as you're at Rhinebeck. You would be very missed if you weren't.

[Lynn]

You have been reading my mind again, haven't you? Did you just make a three-page list of all the fiber in the bookshelf, sometime in the last week or so?

You did? Really? Damn.

I have a lot of restlessness disturbing me lately and I'm wondering if it isn't because I'm just dabbling. Not really progressing. Not getting there, wherever that is.

Here's hoping we both get into SOAR.

[claudia]

Exactly right.

[Michelle]

As always, damn proud to know you.

[Jocelyn]

Yup, yup, yup. Particularly the bit about pulling one's refuge in after one (how many times have I done *that*?!). I have this exact problem with books and fiber, and I'm working very hard on remembering that balance in all things is the goal. It's a fine line, though.

[Samantha]

Delurking to say that you blog is probably the most satisfying one I read. Less truly is more. Great, thoughtful posts. Thank you.

[Kat with a K]

Thanks for this post. I'm moving, and realizing just how much STUFF I have, and I need to do something about it. I'm shedding lots of random stuff in the move, and I'm going to seriously work on using the yarn I have instead of buying things and forgetting about them and buying more.

I'm still going to NH, though, since it's just an hour from me. But I'm going most to see friends, not to buy.

[Laurie]

I slapped myself when I whinged about not getting wollmeise. That was my wakeup.

Read The Paradox of Choice (Barry Schwartz). It is better than the equivalent number of hours of therapy. Puts this stash stuff in some perspective.