Good Stuff.

So I didn't go to Maryland S&W.  Or Connecticut.  Nor will I go to New Hampshire this coming weekend.  I would actually like to go to NH but I can't face the drive this year.  Between gas prices and available time, I just can't.   I'm going to spend the gas money on dirt and flowers and spend some of next weekend grubbing in my back yard.

Instead I hope to go to SOAR again in the fall.

The festivals are truly wonderful, particularly as a way to connect with what I like to call the like-mindedly odd, and of course to shop.   They can encourage frenzy in the unprepared.  Or even the prepared with insufficient emotional resources.
If I needed to supplement the wool erupting in every corner of my house. 
Which I really don't. 
I had friends over last week and I was showing off stash - the way one does (Or is that just me?) - and I just got kinda flummoxed.  I have at least three fleeces unwashed in my kitchen in the corner (Maybe the garden grubbing can be supplemented with some fleece washing?)  At least 5 processed into roving.  One three that are washed but still locks or partially locks or half carded.  It goes on.
And that doesn't count the bags from the Spinning Bunny, the roving from the Woolen Rabbit, Spinners Hill, Buckwheat Bridge, Carolina Homespun, Spunky Eclectic, Abby Franquemont.  All gorgeous and inspirational materials.

This is just off the top of my head.  And does not include yarn.  And I do not have the least among stashes, if you dig what I am saying. (Is this like every stash reduction post in blog land?  I hope not.  As a note, I am comfortable collecting wool as a hobby, but want to collect not heedlessly grab and horde.   Fine line sometimes?)

Perspective, children, is what I need.  Perspective and goals (I suck at goals, my whole life I have sucked at goals. So maybe intent is a better word.)

Perspective and Intent.

I love fiber.  I want it to continue to be a force for good in my life.  Which means it can not always be a primary line item in my budget, an excuse for heedless acquisition without purpose or a place to hide from the rest of my life.
Sometimes that's what hobbies are, a refuge.  And that is good, shelter from the storm is essential.
But it can go wrong too - I was watching some frenzy of acquisition on some board somewhere recently, someone gnashing and weeping because she had missed out on some exclusive yarn somewhere and I was startled to discover that I understood her upset.  My rational mind was all - dude that's crazy, it's yarn - and my irrational mind was all - let me corner the market on this, my preciousssss.
This was right around when I chased down some rare sock yarn last week.  Because you know, I am SUCH a sock knitter.
But it tied into what I have been thinking about recently, about that perspective and intent.  I'm not 14 any more.  I don't give a shit that I am not a cool kid.  I have LOTS of shoes and yarn and more importantly, a home and friends and family and thoughts and dreams and hopes and the best cat in the world.  I woke up in a pool of sunlight in the first world, I am tall and strong and healthy and I am so fucking lucky I can hardly look at it sometimes.

But there have totally been times I was in danger of pulling the refuge in after me, of having the shelter become a cage, of becoming so obsessed with the tangibles of fiber stuff that I forgot the intangibles of it, the depth that is possible, to appreciate, to see.   Forgetting that there will always be something else exquisite to discover, always be another fleece, another yarn.   I hate that me, that forgetting, greedy me.

For this to work, I need to learn, I need to have balance and I need to be traveling somewhere - and I don't mean New Hampshire.  I mean if I try and have every festival, every moment crammed in, I won't SEE any of it.  I mean I need to take the learning and DO something with it. 
I need to knit a sweater that challenges me. 
Spin more than 3 ounces of a single fiber.  Knit something with it.
Learn to use the knitting machine that's been behind the couch for 2 years. 
Sew up some of the fabric piled in the guest room, be damned to mistakes.

Be damned to mistakes is it, really.  No one is imperiled by my fiber mistakes.  Not even me.

I read something great about mindfulness recently and if I could remember where I would give you a link - but she made the point that mindfulness wasn't getting it right every time, it was trying as much as possible, making small corrections, failing sometimes and keeping the arc of progress going even when intent falters in a moment.

So SOAR is my choice this year, to learn and apply that learning, to find inspiration and the tools to follow it somewhere, instead of every festival in a chaotic spring of blurred experience.  Less buying (Notice I don't say NONE), more using.  Lots of talking to people.  Maybe some beer.  Moments savored not gulped.  Sunlight.  Sheep pictures.  Laying on the grass.

Still going to Rhinebeck though. 

Come ON.

Comments

[Samantha]

Delurking to say that you blog is probably the most satisfying one I read. Less truly is more. Great, thoughtful posts. Thank you.

[Kat with a K]

Thanks for this post. I'm moving, and realizing just how much STUFF I have, and I need to do something about it. I'm shedding lots of random stuff in the move, and I'm going to seriously work on using the yarn I have instead of buying things and forgetting about them and buying more.

I'm still going to NH, though, since it's just an hour from me. But I'm going most to see friends, not to buy.

[Laurie]

I slapped myself when I whinged about not getting wollmeise. That was my wakeup.

Read The Paradox of Choice (Barry Schwartz). It is better than the equivalent number of hours of therapy. Puts this stash stuff in some perspective.

[regina]

I don't know...you do have a lot of fiber and fleece, but I don't personally think it's too much. I don't know that my opinion much matters, but I think I can be objective. I've been to people's homes where the sheer volume of stuff completely overwhelmed me, but this was not the case with your home. I think it's very sane that you're making a conscious choice to try to use up some of what you have before acquiring more. And Rhinebeck? It's a must. I wish I got to see you more frequently. I always enjoy reading about what's on your mind, but seeing you in person and actually hearing it from you? Exponentially better.

[Tina M.]

I found myself nodding my head as I read this post, so much so that I was forced to de-lurk for only the second time just to tell you how awesome I thought your post was. Awesomeness, full of awesome.

I've NEVER gotten the mania that surrounds some yarns, and I certainly wouldn't beggar myself, nor allow myself emotional distress, because I wasn't able to be one of the "in-crowd".

Like you, I have a large stash of both yarn and fleece/roving. I don't deny it but it's not something I think is a badge of honor. I think long and hard about my stash before I do any major purchasing, and especially before festival time.

I'm going to SOAR this year too, by hook or by crook. It'll be my first (and probably only) time so I'm hoping it really is everything they say it is.

Thanks for writing this post, today you are my honorary voice of sanity.

[Jennie]

Damn the torpedos. Let's go!

[Jessica]

Wow. Could you please tell me how you got in my head?

[Imbrium]

Yes. Yes.

[Dr. Steph]

I was getting worried until the end. See you at Rhinebeck (if not sooner). I really like what you're saying about mindfulness which, for me lately, has been about what I buy and what I stick in my mouth.

[Carmen]

I LOVE your writing. The previous post was fantastic, this post, absolutely great. You nail it right down... I, too, am trying to create and be challenged and not constantly just "want". I'm loving my stash and am controlling the urge to "cage" myself. That analogy was brilliant.

[Luise]

As always, your perspective is a good reminder of the enormous luck of most of us at the same time that the gap between the haves and have-nots grows ever wider. I assuage my guilt in a variety of ways -- but I've learned that it's okay to take pleasure in the creativity, beauty, texture, and variety that make up the world of knitting. It's a real treat and it's not fattening!

[Jackie]

It *is* a fine line between collecting and hoarding, and as always, you touch right to the heart of the matter. It's like you tapped into the unformed inner conflicts that arise at the beginning of each festival season...

I miss walking in countryside outdoors and smelling 'country' and 'sheep' and the smell of lots of wool in one place, with the occasional waft of a carnival food stand. (Dude, the gyros at Rhinebeck last year were amazing.)

I'm really looking forward to that wonderful aimless wandering around. A day trip to Cummington and then to Rhinebeck. Can't wait for Rhinebeck. :)

[Tsock Tsarina]

Whew - you had me scared for a second there. Rhinebeck wouldn't quite be Rhinebeck without you.

Bummer about NH, though - we'll be there with a few new items in our tent to tempt Serious Sock Knitters like you. ;-)

[Anne]

Amen!