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Data dump.

Can I just say how much August is not amusing me?

Cat

Moxie either.

Blogs are slow, paperwork is high.  Business is slow, I'm worried about that. 
I'm breaking out like a thirteen year old.  Every newscaster I've listened to re: the Democratic Convention is annoying the crap out of me with their  making-a-noise-for-the-sake-of-noise-ness.  Not that this is anything new. 
I haven't been to the gym in a month. 
Oh, and my shoes are bothering my feet.  ALL of them. I think my arches are falling, or my feet grew or I just reached some point of (physical only, I assure you) maturity where I can't stand discomfort I used to be unaware of. 

Everyone I've spoken to recently is mildly cross - not depressed, not angry, not upset, not anything serious.  More like a low grade flu.  Or your underpants riding up.  Crabby. 

No, CROTCHETY.

I've been wasting so much time on the unsatisfactory and yet compelling internet (Seriously, would you people blog already?) that I was forced to install a cyber-nanny to police myself, since discipline has slipped badly enough that I cannot be trusted.  At all.  I can't even turn myself in - self employed, you dig?   
It's really fucking sad is what it is.   

I give you....LeechBlock

Great name.  I put all my blogs, and facebook and newsgator and wired and youtube and gmail and EVERYTHING on it and lock myself out for most of the work day.
The bones of my desk are emerging.  Shaming. 
Shaming, but FANTASTIC.   

I did read a fabulous article in Wired about this guy who has a plan to eliminate oil dependence and is both connected enough, rich enough and visionary enough that he looks like beginning to make something happen.   In the next year or so you see any stories about Israel (and maybe Hawaii) and electric cars?  READ.
By the time I finished reading I wanted to set my business on fire and throw myself at his feet begging for a job.  Seriously.  Shai Agassi - call me.   English major-type.  Clear prose, good problem solving.   Short on inspiration.  Wants to BELIEVE.

John Kerry just rocked the house.  I wish he'd been that fiery when he was campaigning 4 years ago.

I signed up for FiOS today.  I'm going to save 50 bucks a month combined - maybe more - on my phone/internet/tv.  And the FiOS picture is great and I'll have BBC America which rocks so very hard.  But this means good bye to my beloved TiVo.  And it turns out I am not the only one  - it's a great service but at this point, the integration of everything out weighs the cute little popping noise.   I am strangely sad.

What's up with you?

Pump handles.

So I read this perfectly amazing book the other day, The Ghost Map, which is at basis a completely gripping tale of the detective work that went into understanding the waterborne nature of cholera for the first time, as well as an urban/medical drama about the combination of circumstances leading the London's 1854 epidemic.   
Which then turns into a love letter to cities and a discussion - one I found really provocative - about the nature & role of the urban in the future of the planet, the similarity of all this internet nonsense to the mapping that was crucial to proving the disease theory and the potential of human beings to get some things right.

Snow_cholera_map_2   Click for more info about map and epidemic.

Thanks to Making Light for the recommendation. 

As I tend to be a bit gloomy about the future of humanity I found it completely compelling, pretty plausible and really something to think about.

Which I have been doing. 

And then Friday my email box went ding! with a notice from Edge - for which there is a link in my sidebar as well.  Edge's stated purpose is to "arrive at the edge of the world's knowledge, seek out the most complex and sophisticated minds, put them in a room together, and have them ask each other the questions they are asking themselves."
I find it deeply comforting that somewhere in this world, someone is asking abstract & concrete rather than profit-minded questions about anything (outside of pure academia, because while I have no beef with academics and in fact many of these people are academics, it's a world that can be as insular as business or politics, and I really believe that the intersection of knowledge, rather than the isolation of knowledge, is better for us as individuals, as well as a species, and as a planet).

Which is actually how the cholera epidemic came to be tamed.  A doctor with an interdisciplinary approach and a varied experience, from an atypical background, asking non-dogmatic questions, encountering a clergyman with intimate knowledge of a neighborhood, a load of anger and an open mind, both of them with the determination to put some serious shoe leather into figuring out how 700 people died in a week.

You could never plan for that.  Never.  Passion, questions, serendipity & hard, slogging work.

(Which is why I still think a broad education is a great idea.  My dad would be so happy to hear me say that.   Though I mean ACTUALLY broad, as in liberal arts people like me ought to not be allowed to escape from scientific education quite so completely, and vice versa.  I knew some science types in school with a very limited understanding of life outside the lab, as well as a number of literary types *cough* who thought science was BOring.  Bunch of idiots.  Suck it up on both sides, with a little mutual respect.)

I tell you, the best moments in my education were when something I learned in class A and something I read in the paper, and something I saw on a beach somewhere and something else I read in high school all snapped together like magnets the size of tectonic plates, with a terrible, awesome crash of world-expanding neuroplasticity. 

(God, doesn't it seem like everything you hear or see on TV or in the paper is about making the world smaller?    And not in a good, reducing-distances-between-people kind of way, in a narrow, grasping, selfish, hysterical and profit-minded way?)

Where was I?

Oh right.  The Edge.  I love Edge.  It always leaves me going - Hey, I never thought of that.  Because I am definitely not one of the world's great thinkers.  And that's OK, because they have something to teach me, I like to learn, and I don't have to be one of the world's great thinkers to be part of changing the world.  I'm a point on the map.   This post is a point on the map.  And each person who reads it and reads more about it and clicks through and talks about what they think and passes it on, is another.

Today's email was about a speech called "Gin, Television and the Cognitive Surplus" and discussions relating.  The index is here and while it will take a while, I highly recommend it. (The site is poorly organized for the internet.  Imagine it's an actual paper thing and keep scrolling.)

The basic idea is that gin in the industrial revolution functioned as a society-wide numbing agent while human beings got used to an urban society, a numbing agent that was combated and discarded when people could begin to conceptualize the new world and use its resources more effectively, and that TV has performed this role for the 20th century, and now...

Did you know that for the first time since its invention TV watching is declining?  Replaced with interactive media that are non-passive, connections between people and places and information through social networks and the Internet that are now ADDING something to humanity's experience.  There's a video, and I can't figure out how to embed it.  But I really, really, really beg you to go and watch it, or read the transcript (scroll way down, though the introductory articles you will go past are good too).  Or both.  BEG.

The intersection between the book, the Edge and my present brain state feels electrifying in some way - can you tell?

Because I've been thinking about how sitting on my ass watching the Olympics has felt like losing ground on life, and how as bloggers we are connected to this larger world, and Ravelry and Facebook and online dating how much I have learned from the internet and all the mad fools out there talking about books, and cast on techniques and art and home design and dressmaking and raising families and building personalities and politics and feminism and science and gaming and the human experience - using this medium to make creativity and growth and learning parts of their lives, and how great it is, though great is a weak word.    Transformative.  Because no fooling, my life has been transformed by this stuff and I bet yours has too.

And how the excess energy released by not sitting on my ass gives me so much more to give to things I care about.  A few months ago I was talking about perfume with an acquaintance.  And she said - I don't know how you have time.  And I thought, Time?  You are 10 years younger than me, and work 40 hours a week and are married and own a townhouse with your husband, no kids yet.   I have never heard you mention a hobby, a bike ride, a trip, a museum, a book you've read, anything that you have passion for, a home improvement project, a great meal you've cooked or eaten.  Nothing.   How do you NOT have time?

And I'm not slamming her - she's a very nice person and I enjoy chatting with her when I run into her.  She finds me exoticly amusing because I am always talking about something new.  A date, a knitting project, a book I'm reading, something I cooked, a new gadget, shoes, something. 

How do you find the time?

Well, for one thing, some days I don't turn on the TV.  (And I am not patting myself on the back about this, I just told you I spent two weeks watching Olympians and I can't wait for Life to start up again.  The idea is LESS.  To not sink into inactivity, to make, to share, to generate.)

Clay Shirky, speaking on Edge, is calling it cognitive surplus and he thinks it can change the world like the rise and decline of gin drinking transformed the world (I dunno anything about either of the books I link here other than I would like to read them and this way I can find them again).

And I love it.  It feels like a true possibility, it feels like a way to look at what we have and are and see the possibility for positive change in a useful and productive way, to take the chaos and change and use it, rather than being swamped by gloom over our inevitable destruction.  Which is the same way I felt after finishing The Ghost Map.  A friend said to me the other day that the world was incredibly large but so accessible.   And you know, it is.   If you care to look.

So this knitting stuff. How do you do that anyway?

So I went looking for needles and have now concluded that somewhere in my life there is a cord with a 5.5 Harmony wood on one end and a 6.0 on the other, because I am missing one of each.  What could I have left it in?

What was I knitting before anyway?

Um.

Well, I made those mitts over Christmas - which I thought I had lost in March and found LAST week in the pocket of my winter coat, which makes me very happy because, dudes, I LOVE them (I so couldn't believe they were gone gone because I saw them while I was packing for Arizona and that was after winter was over but then I cleaned the house pretty damn thoroughly and put away all kinds of random shit they might have been hiding under and nothing! and then one day I'm in the shower working up some lather and staring at the wall in a very non-intellectual fashion, and suddenly I go, POCKETS, that's where gloves always go.   Which was non-sequitorious but, although it took me two weeks to remember to look, inspired.  Because they were there.  The end.)

I was going to stage a picture of the discovery, but I'm too lazy to get up.  Particularly since if I enter the kitchen - where the coat closet is - I have to do the dishes.  No deal.

Then I finished that crochet laprobe (Hi J!).  And there was the silk wrap I worked on in the hospital when my mom was rehabilitating.  Which I never showed you because it's too narrow and I can't face the idea of ripping it.

Silk_stole_4

See, pretty but useless.  The weight of it makes it a foot too long and 8 inches narrower than I planned.

White Night Scarf, but wider and in smaller yarn, in 3 skeins of, um.  Silk.  Chunky. Light blue.  Ah, thank you Rav.  Woodstock Wool Company Lux Silk.  990 yards.  Is very long.

Oh, and I made a hat for my trainer.  That was cute.  It was one of those projects that had 3 false starts and then came out great.  Um.  Never showed you that either. 

Gladyshat

That's a strand of Silkroad Aran held together with a 3ply handspun that was one strand of brown CVM and 2 plys of Grafton Fibers in green.   Some kind of giant, chunky, on-the-fly modification on Bonne Marie's Shaker Knit hat.

I haven't finished John Adams either. 

Oh! A sweet little orange alpaca scarf for TMW for her birthday.  Same pattern as the blue silk wrap above, but narrow scarf sized.  Which I have no pictures of.  Go bug her if you'd like a gander.  I think it might have been Blue Sky Melange.  Salsa.  And I made a couple of false starts on this cashmere shawl I want to do.  But I hate the yarn color (Note: follow up on that).

That was January, February, March.  Ta Da!  And then, then....uh.

Nothing.

I checked the blog and everything.   And Ravelry.  No wonder I haven't posted shit this year.    I haven't KNIT shit.  And it's not like I've finished any major spinning projects or anything.  A bit of this and that, is all.  I went to SOAR, had my world rocked and then never did much with the fire.

Why didn't anyone tell me?

And what on earth HAVE I been doing?  Other than smelling perfume, which is fun and all but doesn't take up all that much of each day.

Anyone?

Is this a finished object I see before me?

This has not been a knitting kind of summer. 

First there was the painting and reorganizing - the basement is not, in fact, finished (I have one stairwall to finish and some wallpaper border to strip in the bath, everything got packed away so I could clean the house pre-house guest and it has been frankly not all that compelling to begin again).  But it looks great.  Unfinished, but great. 
Then there was vacation, a period of excellence and no knitting (or painting). Then there was the post vacation reality-revulsion experience, during which painting was very much part of reality, and thus, revolting.  And knitting was desultory.  Promised myself I would finish the socks before I did anything else, a stitch here or there.

During the painting and cleaning time I gathered up not just books, but fiber and yarn and put it all firmly in its place.  Or a place anyway.  I have way more than even I knew, fiberly speaking which, knowing me, is hardly surprising (all or nothing might as well be tattooed on my ass, mostly all), but it was a shock even so.

Stash1    Stash2

I've found myself wondering if I even am a knitter anymore, a bit awkward considering the materials on hand, but I've been so uninspired recently, by spinning, by knitting, by action, by creativity. Mostly I've been reading.  Having the books tucked behind the couch instead of around a dark corner has reconnected me to the passion for words that was my primary distinguishing characteristic for the first half of my life.  But I've had the same socks on the needles since - June?  And the same fiber on the wheel for even longer.

So imagine my astonishment when I looked at the sock in my hand and thought, damn this has lasted a long time, and compared it to its finished mate only to discover I was within 2 rows of the toe decreases.  Michael Phelps et all accompanied me to the end.

Flamingosock

They are a tiny bit tight - I have very deep insteps - but since it is a silk/superwash blend I'm not terribly worried.  I can get them - carefully - on.   Which is actually how I like a sock to fit.  Any sock.  The sagging and puddling of looseness inside my shoe gives me a feeling of profound, neon, slovenly ickiness.

So I made a pair of socks and it was not without charm.  I don't get the sock THING mind you, it was OK but the earth did not move.  You can't beat them for portability though, and socks are good.   Particularly these socks.  So I can see it happening again.   Maybe.   Though I am worried that they were a factor in the death of my knit-drive. 

Because now that they are done I can feel a faint warm stirring in my heart, a tiny thought about....casting on.

I dedicate these to Abby and her tenuous hold on no-sockness.

Flamingosock2

Pattern:  Loksins by Too Much Wool
Yarn:  CraftyGirl83's 70% superwash merino/30% silk sockyarn.
120g/469 yds
7-8 sts=1" on #1-3 needles
Needles:  Inox DPNs 2.5 mm (2.75 for cast on)

Note to the big feeted:  I made these with 60 stitches as written, on a very slightly heavier weight sock yarn than the pattern was written for.  Only change was to make the heel flap 21 stitches instead of 19.  Lace is stretchy.  Fantastic pattern.  Great yarn.

Oh, and seems to be the usual for me with two similar objects knit in the round, one is larger than the other, though the stitch count is the same.  I think part of is that I tried on the first one eleventy times in progress, stretching it out, and the second one not at all.  But also I get tighter as I get in the groove.  S'ok.  My left foot is a half size bigger than the right anyway.



Logic is a guy who ought to empty his pockets

Someone told me recently that I often seem distracted, that a part of me is busy cogitating all the time.

He said ruminating first.  But the cow implication resulted in a very severe face on my end, so he amended. 

Cogitating, ruminating.  Either way, I am afraid it's true. 

I can feel it sometimes, that I have to make a conscious effort to step across thinking to join things.  Not that I feel isolated, or unwelcome.  Just apart.  Thinking about stuff.  Whys.  Reasons.  The color of that bag over there.  How beautiful her skin is.  Meanings.  Details.  It's not even noticing sometimes, it's recollection filtered through the brain instead of experience lived and memory inhabited.

Canal

In the past the thing most people said to me eventually was “you know, you’re weird”  but now its “You think too much."   I wouldn’t mind so much if the thinking was part of a creative process that made something. If it led somewhere.  Other than to more thinking. 

Being, I am not so good at all the time.

I turned that cartwheel the other day.  Rustily and without straightness.  But the knack is still in there somewhere.  It felt good.
Took me a few minutes though. 

I had to think about it.  Take a few hesitating steps.  Stop.  It was fearful somehow, to risk falling.  Looking a fool.  Alone in my backyard.   I do that a lot, stop before I make a fool of myself.    Sit on the edge, while someone else climbs on the rocks.  Cautious.
Or sometimes rushing things, when stillness alarms me.   Which is another kind of caution.

I want to know what it is exactly that I am afraid of, or if it is even about fear.  Control?  I'm controlled.  Why?  What’s so bad about looking like a fool?   What am I trying to stop from happening?

More thinking.

Egg

The same friend told me I should dance more.  I never do.   I think I’m bad at it.  (Again, so what?)  It's fun though, forgetting self-consciousness.  Being a goof.   Forgetting to remember to monitor systems. 

I know this sounds kinda of gloomy but it really isn’t.  I’ve been spending the last week or so kind of deliberately at loose ends, letting the impressions of the previous weeks sink into me.    I often don’t allow that, wordless stillness, contemplation without cogitation.
Some times in life are quiet enough that the moments stand clean in memory and can be looked at tidily from all sides and analyzed - perhaps to no one’s benefit, indeed - and some are densely packed, soaked with rain and light and spiderwebs on grass and a flower ripped from its stalk by a toddler and tucked behind an ear.  No room for analysis.  No place really.   Out of my hands for once.  It's very good.

Rain

I am exceptionally fortunate in my friends, they are on my side more than I ever dreamed of being myself, all in different ways, with different fires and different styles.  I love them, the fierce and the funny, the thoughtful, the obsessive, the edgy and the adventurous.   
This one makes me think about the boundaries I’ve fenced myself inside and what it might feel like to step over them.   Makes control seem like a useless affectation.    Other pathways entirely possible.   Comfort zones stale and airless.

That's a pretty remarkable present.

Sunlight

So it has been so long since I logged into Typepad that Firefox was like, Typewhat? 

Not a good sign.

I went on vacation is what I did.  A gen-u-wine, no obligation, not on the schedule of others Vacation.  It was utterly good. 

Travel around a great deal, but you know, it is so often for something, for a friend, for family, for an event.  And it is not that I do not enjoy these things, because I really do, but they are not spirit-recharging.  Too tightly scheduled for that.  Or sometimes just too much fun of the body-depleting variety.

(Actual conversation, more or less. 
S:  This is this great jetlag remedy T gave me.  Take some to try.
J:  When I am leaving on a jet plane?
S:  No, its fantastic for hangover.

Pause.

J:  Dude, I'm only ever hung over with you, why don't you hang onto it.)

Maybe it is the two weeks part, because the last time I felt this good about a break it was in the summer of 2002, when I spent a week on Cape Cod, drove to the airport and then spent a week on Kauai (which is an impossible and gorgeous place.  You should go.)  But mostly I think it was the company - a friend came to stay, one of my favorite people in the world, and we just ran around and looked at stuff with remarkably little planning from this control freak.  I think I made ONE reservation and that only because it needed to be done weeks ahead of time.  Every other day was kind of, what shall we do?  And then, we did that.  And made some lunch.  And looked at the undersides of leaves.  And the fall of light.  I learned, more or less, how to skim a rock.  Brilliant.

And since then I've been sort of staring at the wall and getting back in sync with the rest of my reality and thinking about what I've been doing and why it is good, and what that says about what I HAVEN'T been doing and wondering why my pace is so often steady to the point of plodding, when, slow, slow, quick, quick, slow has so many advantages, and when the fuck was the last time I turned a cartwheel anyway?

This is actual thinking, mind you, where there's a lot of spaced out time and things occasionally bubble to the surface and explain themselves to you full blown, and not so much sub vocalization.  Sub-vocalization, I learned a long time ago, is just self loathing with your mom's voice.  My mom's voice.   The truth is, actual thinking can look a lot like slacking off.  To the ignorant eye.

Anyway, shall be considering what, if anything, to say about the vacation that is still respectful of the privacy of all involved.   You know how I get thematic about something, so silence is probably unlikely.  Nice to see you again.      

Quotation of the Moment

  • John Sloan, Gist of Art, 1939
    "Sometimes it is best to say something new with an old technique, because ninety-nine people out of a hundred see only technique. Glackens had the courage to use Renoir's version of the Rubens-Titian technique and he found something new to say with it. Cezanne may have tried to paint like El Greco, but he couldn't help making Cézannes. He never had to worry about whether he was being original. Don't be afraid to borrow. The great men, the most original, borrowed from everybody. Witness Shakespeare and Rembrandt. They borrowed from the technique of tradition and created new images by the power of their imagination and human understanding. Little men just borrow from one person. Assimilate all you can from tradition and then say things in your own way. There are as many ways of drawing as there are ways of thinking and thoughts to think."

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