Hope, Faith and Reality: A letter to my dad.

I detest George W Bush, this is not a secret.  The day I can take down the end-of-his-presidency calendar in my sidebar will be a happy one indeed, unless I have to replace it with a McCain one.

But it's been an interesting election cycle for me, one that has really clarified my politics in my own mind.  I posted months ago about the realization that I am not a Democrat.  When my brother called me the shame of the family after Bush/Dukakis in 1988 he was joking, but there's a kernel of truth in it.  I come from a long line of conservatives and I was educated to be one of them.  There's about 10% of me that walks around with a streak of elitism and reserve - it's often my first response when I feel out of my depth, a recoil and swift strike of impatient rebuff - another 10 percent that lacks confidence to put down the barrier and stake a claim on what I think is right, and the other 80% is rational, emotional, humanist, flexible, a little bit timid but always learning. 

I wonder weekly what my dad would have made of Bush.  He detested Clinton for his - well, my dad called it immorality, but I also think it was because Clinton is a highly accomplished and intelligent self-made man.  For men of my dad's generation and, well, class, sexual morality and morality are the same.  You just don't flaunt it, you're not common about it.   A discreet mistress is one thing, an intern in the oval office QUITE another.  
But he was also incredibly threatened by people who had it together to pursue concrete ambitions, who were motivated, organized, driven ...walking in tall cotton he used to say.  As if their accomplishments were a matter of luck only.
I make him sound terrible and he really wasn't - his whole life he was in conflict with the side of himself that thought this way and the side of himself that thought it was idiotic.  Which is why I think so much about what W would have done to his head.   Pop went to Yale (as his father and grandfather before him had), and he had nothing but contempt for the spoiled sons of legacy, skating on shallow charm and privilege, nothing but respect for the men there who were creating something from their own gifts and hard work. 

All my instincts from an early age were in opposition to this world I grew up on the edge of, but defending my ideas was incredibly hard.  My instincts bewildered him - though they were at least partly a product of his own dissatisfaction - and my inarticulateness about how or why I could think the way I did frustrated him.  I knew I disappointed him.  It took me a long time to learn the lesson of reading to develop instinct into opinion and being brave enough to argue about it.  A very long time.

So here it is Pop:

If you were alive I think you'd be voting Obama too, because what has happened over the last 8 years would make you weep.  I could be wrong, but everything you taught me about hard work, about responsibility, about decency, about MANNERS, tells me that.  But I am not embarrassed to think differently than you did anymore, so if you WOULD be voting for McCain, I would totally make fun of you. 
You can't even make the small government argument, because have you listened to the guy?  He hasn't got a principle left that he hasn't abandoned for convenience, far in excess of politics as usual, and his entire campaign is based on fear-mongering.  Let us not even speak of Mrs. Palin and her utter lack of knowledge, or principle or professionalism, and rejection of science or intellect as needful tools.
And if every fear-mongering idiot emphasizing the candidate's middle name doesn't make you queasy with the thinly veiled racism and narrow-minded panic over Otherness, then this time, I'm disappointed in you.

I believe economic self-interest is the worst possible ground to make policy from, second only to vanity. 
I believe the greater good IS the common good, that creating policy that protects and benefits those who have the least makes a world that benefits us all. 
I know we have a responsibility as human beings to follow our own ethics in our own lives, and an obligation to protect the right of every other person to do the same.
I believe government, at some level, should be a service provider.  Not a business entity.

Obama can think, the most important thing you taught me to look for.  I think he has a global view, a sense of the movement of history, basic decency and a grasp of economic priority that makes sense.  He can speak, and he does give me hope that there is a better way to run this place.  His ambitions are not the sum of him.  He's a man, not a miracle, but I think there is a lot of evidence that the tone a president sets can change everything.  And his is the tone I want representing America, representing me.

I know you were happy that my year abroad brought me home more fiscally conservative.  It was because I didn't understand the deeper issues of social policy and it didn't stick.  I hope you don't think you wasted all that money educating me, because the more I learn, the lefter I get.  Thought you should know. 

Comments

[Jenny Fox Markulec]

Dare I say - I see your point - Yes - Obama can think and deep down I still hold true to my liberal social ideals & value ability to think, ponder and act...Love the letter to your Pop - My Fox clan is split on whom they think my father would vote for - though now I am leaning towards Obama.

Jenny

[Sarahfish]

Well said. I was very disappointed with the results of our election in Canada, but what a lift on Tuesday! It's been staggering to see the changes happening in the States over the last 8 years, so here's to the coming change.

[Amy]

I saw my parents at lunch yesterday, and my dad asked, "Are you going to disappoint your father with how you vote on election day?" Unfortunately, I already had the week before by already voting.

However, I skipped around the comment, as I always do with my family, completely dodging around the fact that I'm ragingly...Left? Progressive? Liberal? I'm not truly sure. I'd like to say Democratic, but, like you, I get pretty pissed at the Democratic party sometimes at how mellow they can be with many issues.

Sometime I'd love to be able to say something like this to my father, while I still can, when I summon up the gall. You choose wonderful words.

[elizabeth]

That is a great letter, particularly the part about Obama being able to think. Even his "gaffs" demonstrate this.

I had an unpleasant encounter with a McCain supporter at a wedding reception Saturday and the worst part about it was that I allowed her to get me upset. I only hope some of my words stayed with her.

[Diane]

I haven't been reading long, but this post brought tears to my eyes! Since when is the dream of a peaceful world in which we share and get along a bad idea?!?! I really don't understand the need to spread fear and hate in an attenpt to put yourself in a place to be a hero. Thank you for sharing, so eloquently, what I hope alot of us are feeling.

[Jennifer]

Amen.

Thankfully, both my parents and most of my family are voting for Obama and can't stand Bush (and didn't vote for him either). I'm not so lucky with a few other relatives (but hey, we're related by marriage, not by blood, is what I keep telling myself ;-D ).

[lisa]

Hey, I only come over here occasionally, but perhaps should visit more... so that when I bump into you at these fiber events I can have something other to talk about than "I just love seeing all these tall women here". ANYhoo... Great letter to your dad! I think when my economic self-interest is the economic interest of the general populace, then, perhaps it is a good place to make policy from. I read a men's health magazine the other day (while waiting in a hospital waiting room, instead of knitting, what was wrong with me?), which was overall rather eye-opening. But in particular and related to your post was an article about who has won these last elections. And the author says, wouldn't you think that brains (Gore) would beat out mush mouthedness (Bush) to be leader of our country. The author's contention, however, was that the candidate who was most true to his own self won. The one who could take their foibles and make them approachable rather than trying to hide them, as Clinton did with his early philandering and Bush did with his mangling of his native language. That if Kerry had talked about his protest years rather than trying to hide them and only talking about his service, he may have won. I think Obama is being true to himself, and that McCain has waffled hugely from his stances when he was a primary candidate the last time on the "straight talk express". The article showed a photo of Obama in sweats playing basketball, and commented how he looked totally natural doing it, like this IS something he does do, not a staged shot. So, here's hoping, eh?

[Lucy]

Well, I feel that I can speak on behalf of the global community when I say that yes, Obama does have a global view. That Palin person on the other hand is truly, truly frightening.

We're crossing every finger for you.

[Mardel]

You articulated perfectly what I keep saying in my head to my own Dad, long gone, but which I can't pull together quite so eloquently.

[Rachel H]

Well said, my friend.

[Marji]

I was radicalized way back in the 60s and am embarrassed by the subsequent self-indulgence exhibited by most of my fellow "flower children." I lost my parents young (my dad when I was 16 and my mom when I was 21) and they were both Democrats as I currently am. However, the party has moved along in a way that would probably not have garnered approval; although I think my dad and I would still be in agreement.

I have only ever voted for one Republican and that was long ago and far away and not likely to happen again.

[Jocelyn]

Thank you. I've been having similar conversations in my head a lot lately, although (for once) not with my parents, who have both walked away from the Republican ticket for the last two elections, I think precisely because of the reasons you articulate. I agree with you wholeheartedly that the greater good is the common good, and that we should protect others' rights to follow their ethical code as zealously as we protect our own. I can't quite figure out when paying taxes became socialism, and when implementing constitutional amendments to make one's own moral code the law for everyone started becoming normal, rather than the definition of big government (yes, I'm here in CA, just about in tears every time I see a Yes on Prop 8 sign). You can bet that we'll be watching the election returns on Tuesday night, right after I take my girls with me to vote so they can see how important the process is.

[Carole]

If my father were alive he'd be voting for McCain. And as much as I'd love to have been able to bust him for that it would not have been allowed. We had a huge fight over Sunday dinner once because I disagreed with him about homelessness. He told me in no uncertain terms that any political opinions I had that didn't agree with his were to be left unspoken. It caused a rift in our relationship that truly never healed.

[lizbon]

I don't talk politics much (for very specific reasons I won't go into here), but I will say this, the bumper sticker that has a pic of Obama and the one word "Hope" on it is the clearest articulation I've seen of a campaign message in decades. There is something poetic about the guy, and I despaired of ever seeing that in a presidential candidate in this country. I can only hope (small h) that we get a chance to see if he can fulfill this potential.

[Lynn]

My mother once remarked that my dad leaned Republican, except that a few days before each election, he'd really think about the issues - and he'd end up voting Democratic. A week or so ago, I called them to say hello and my dad said something to the effect of 'I'm afraid your middle sister might be (whisper) Republican.'

Knowing the sad lack of thoughtfulness in my own mind, I find it interesting to see how people come to their political choices. Often, it seems to be only how they were brought up. Although I'm pretty comfortable with sharing my parents' views, I wonder what I'd be thinking nowadays if I'd spent the pasat two decades in Tennessee, like my sister, instead of Massachusetts. It's rather frightening to see in myself how easily swayed I am by my companions.

[Gina]

Bravo! I attend a comedy show last week, and I was not afraid (in a largely Republican crowd) to applaud at the mention of Obama. The MC went on to laugh about "the redistribution of wealth". Read your Bible, bucko. Any Christian Republican who balks at this doesn't understand Jesus' rant in the temple, nor do they understand tithing. The Christian Republican who is concerned about the liberals who want to take away their freedom to bear arms and other constitutional rights is not concerned about taking a way my freedom to choose -- which is also a constitutional right.

[Allyson]

I really, really want the Christian Right out of my sh*t.

[Jessica]

If I thought my Dad would read and understand your letter, I would send it to him and my Mom, because I would never be able to be so articulate as to tell them everything you just did so well.

And Yay for Yalies! Just had to get that in there. ;)

[seizuresalad]

Thank you for this entry - I love that you wrote a letter to your father. I think I may shamelessly mimic you, because I've been talking to mine in my head for months and it might just do the trick to write it down.

[Imbrium]

After voting Republican throughout my childhood, and voting for Bush both times, my parents are both voting for Obama this year. When my father told me that, I cheered and whooped, and then wept. It's been so hard to see these two people that I love and respect make what I considered to be a terrible decision over and over again.

Here's to hoping we can all start healing soon.

[Mome-rath]

Brava, Juno. It's hard to believe you were ever inarticulate—your words always inspire me, and galvanize my own thoughts and opinions.

[CatBookMom]

Thank you for this post. I am hoping that Obama will be able to turn around some of the damage that the Bush presidency has done to the US and to the world. But it will be difficult and it will take a long time, and his opponents will shout about him dragging his feet, etc.

Today is my seniors' knitting group. It has been so difficult to stay quiet and listen to so many of them condemning gays, gay marriage (I have 2 friends whose weddings we've celebrated) and talking up McCain and Palin. Arguing with them would be useless and would further mark me as the odd one of the group. Thankfully I can enjoy their company most of the time.

[Dr.Steph]

Great post. My dad and I really saw eye to eye politically; I remember when a member of the Reform Party (super right--for Canada) came campaigning and wanting to end gun control and my father very politely closed the door on him. It really made me proud, but also crystallized the idea that people don't necessarily become more right the older they got (which I was told by others who disliked my left political work).

I also remember when the divide between left and right was really about economic policy rather than social issues. When we had a party called Progressive Conservative instead of now, where conservative forces seem to want to restrict not only government itself but the way people live and the services that enable them to grow and prosper.

Looking from the sidelines, I hope Obama delivers. I don't think he's lying to get elected, I just worry that things are not so easy to make better after the last 8 years.

[soxanne]

Nice post...thoughtful and insightful...interesting for me to hear such from a person who was brought up on the "other side" since my father was part of the DFL machine in Minnesota during the early 1960s ...

Thanks

[carolyn]

great post yourself, girlie.