The sword in the stone.

So I am starting to think about knitting.  Not in a oh right, I have a lot of yarn I should Do Something with it kind of way, but in a looking at patterns thinking about pretty yarn sort of way that is strongly discouraged under present economic conditions.  With pleasure, not obligation.

I made the strategic error of looking at Old Maiden Aunt's site a few minutes a go and was overcome with an unseemly and base lust for well, everything.  If I am very, very good and kind to small animals and my mother, maybe I can have some someday.

Pardon me, I had to go look again.  And I appear to have bought 1300 yards of lace weight.
How extraordinary: I haven't had a yarn accident in about a year.  Except for that one time, at Colourmart.  (The 10/28NM heavy dk 30/70 cashmere/wool is utterly brilliant and I am only telling you 'cause I have 12 cones in 3 colours or something ridiculous like that.  In fact, I have just the sleeves left in an ACTUAL SWEATER in this yarn.  If the sun ever comes out I will show you.)

If I believed in jinxes I would not mention any of this - for fear of scaring my knitting soul back into the dark corner it's been lurking for so long - but it's nice to think yarnily again - not as an evasion from the rest of my life but just as a part of it.  I've watched so many friends and acquaintances shape lives in fiber - writers and designers and teachers - and thrive, and there came a moment when I realized that wasn't for me - not that it wasn't going to happen but that it wasn't what I want or need.  I adore fiber, but it is not my FUTURE, it's just a part of me.  Just, funny word.
It was painful though, watching them all go and flourish without me, when I felt stagnant and confused about my life.  I had to sort out their paths from my own.  It's good now. 

I think that's perhaps why I'm seeing yarn in the corners again.

Comments

[Chandler (formerly Mome-rath)]

You're hitting home, as always. I think fiber will always be a close friend and occasional collaborator in my life—but I'm no longer worried about the prospect of it not becoming the driving force behind everything. At the moment I'm wandering in different directions, but I can still see that fiber out of the corner of my eye, and I know I'll come back for a long chat eventually.

For now, though, I'm resolutely *not* visiting that link.

[Lissa]

You ROTTEN wench for linking that site. I'm all lusty-drooly now. THANKS.

On the other hand, thanks...I lost my knitterly mojo a few weeks ago. Between this and the new Knitty, I'm feeling some stirrings again. Maybe.

[Cathy]

I so love that you pointed out the funniness of that word: "just". Something that's been a big topic of discussion and contemplation in my life over the past couple of years. So easy to use it as a way of dismissing the importance of something in our lives because it's not EVERYTHING in our lives. Something can be important without being everything. It seems that you're trying to pre-empt commentary from others who might disparage your relationship with fiber because you're not supporting yourself financially in a fiber-ish way; by saying that it's 'just' a part of you, you perhaps want to 'prove' to others that you are well aware of the marginal nature of your relationship with fiber. But why can't it be a wonderful, rich, important part of your life - no 'just' about it.

But maybe I'm just projecting.

[Marin]

I learned long ago that if a hobby gets to be too serious, I lose a big chunk of joy in my life. Sometimes this makes me flighty and fickle. Mostly, I think it just makes me self-aware.

I love knitting for the love of knitting. If ever I tried to make a career of it, it would ruin it for me.

These are the goggles through which I see your yarn thing, so I feel like we have a common epiphany about what knitting means to us.

Sisterhood!

[lanea]

You can be good friends with fiber without being wedded to it. Absolutely. I will not follow that link though. I will not.

[Bullwinkle]

I was completely unprepared for that site at this hour of the morning. I blame you. /sigh

(I'm one of your lurkers (apparently still under the spell of fine yarn at 5 a.m., so I am commenting) who also wonders about the place of knitting in my life.)

[Lynn Davis]

Oh, sweet jesus. I didn't need to see that site.

(It's been my week for footwear "accidents" and until the pair(s) that don't fit are sent back, there will be no yarn mishaps.)

Nice to hear from you.

[Cassie]

I highly recommend a trawl through the stash for inspiration. Looking through my spinning stash recently gave me an "ooh" and several "aahs" and a few total surprises. Just approach it from the other end and perhaps (with Ravelry) you'll be able to find something to use up.

This is, of course, the optimistic view of things. Your mileage may vary.

[Lizbon]

A friend in a position to know recently teased me that I pretty much have one of two things on my mind at any given moment. And neither of them were knitting. I guess it just goes to show that there are things we enjoy doing in a peripheral way, and there are things that we do because we must, because they keep our hearts beating.

[Jocelyn]

Sometimes that happens, the need to figure out what role something plays in the shape of your own life, rather than other peoples'. I went through something similar for a time with reading and writing, when it occurred to me that I was never going to *be* something writerly, that I was "just" a reader. It was a weird time, and (ymmv) I often felt like I was doing it wrong, because it didn't come out the way it did for other people. I found myself headed down that road with knitting a little while ago and stopped myself right quick. It's still there, out of the corner of my eye, but I mostly don't look that way.

Laceweight, eh? What color? Kind? I need to live vicariously through someone ;)