Sand in my pants

A few weeks ago I had a yarn sale and I sold - a little more than half the yarn and stuff, which I think is pretty good for someone who rarely talks about knitting any more.  I'll list the rest of it through Ravelry at some point and then move onto another bit of closet clearing out.  I'm on a kind of mission to open up the space here so I can see and use and live with what I have. 

Part of me is kind of on my ass about not being more Purposeful about the Future.  (I should have a plan right?  Plans TOTALLY always take you where you really want to go!  Yeah!)  But part of me is still kind of clueless, but is finding it useful to try and let go of pointless stuff, extra stuff, stuff that doesn't get used.  I'm trying to have some kindness to the clueless part, because that part is also the exploring part that actually lets me learn stuff and grow and shit.  Planning Girl is the fraidy cat with the change problem. 

One thing was slow to go and it blew my mind:  The Louet Victoria, the wee portable spinning wheel.  I thought it would go first.

I've listed it in the appropriate forums on Ravelry and had a series of emails saying "Is it available?" which, when I say yes, were never replied too.  Except for one who said OMG I want it, and then emailed again to say Oh never mind, people say its too small to use. 

I began to doubt that I was selling something good.  Maybe it WAS crap and I'd...forgotten?  After all, I wanted to sell it.  There MUST be something wrong with it.  Was I just bored?  (This is possible, I can totally be that shallow. )

Fortunately, before I got too crazy, I began to fall in love with spinning again - it's been probably two years since I spun regularly.  But it's coming back to me now.  I've been in the spinning forums a bit, doing a little reading, reactivating the knowledge lying dormant in my brain.  I've been clearing off half spun projects from the various bobbins littering my house (seriously, I can see 26 from my living room couch) and rediscovering what I love, what I know, what I can do.  This is a great craft.  I remember now.  My hands are remembering now. 

Last night I did a little short forward draw.  It was niiiice.

So the Victoria sits and I find myself thinking of her in dismissive terms, somehow convinced by the lack of eager buyers and my own desire to move on that there was something less than admirable about her.   And then the newly reanimated spinner in me said....um, excuse me moron, but that's not right.  You spun MARAGRET STOVE style lace weight yarn on this.  So there's something wrong with your mental math here.

So I got it out.  I looked it over, set it up.  Inspected it visually, checked all the screws.  Replaced the scotch tension band, which was worn.  Wiped it down.  Set it up.  Spun some.

Hmmm. A bit noisier than I remember.   Oiled the bobbin shaft and the bearings. Better.

I remember I haven't used her in 2 years.  Even sealed bearings need a touch of lube after that long.

Changed the ratio.  Spun some more.   Tightened the sliding flyer hooks.  Filled the bobbin quickly, easily. 

Oh. This is a great little wheel.   A useful, flexible, usable, space-respecting, thoughtfully designed and highly portable fiber tool.  It tucks away in a closet when you don't want it, you could carry it across town on your back without strain, you can do whatever you need in a class with it - seriously.   

NOW I remember.

I wish I had something profound to say about the way self doubt can make you nearsighted, or far sighted or no-sighted at all.

(She did find a new home.  I'm picking up my new-to-me Little Gem this weekend.   Everything works out.)

Comments

[Anne]

Yay, spinning! Maybe you just needed that one last hurray with Victoria before she was ready to leave you.

[Sherrill]

You post, I got it! Oh, so did I understand the excess, the self doubt, and the ah-ha moment.

I too have a LG, it is a wonderful wheel. In all aspects except taking to class where you have to keep switching the direction of the drive band every 10 minutes for spinning singles, then plying, etc.

Enjoy!

[elizabeth]

I borrowed a friend's Victoria for SOAR and fought it the entire time - the take up ripped the yarn out of my hands! I couldn't figure out what was wrong and was so disappointed, because a travel wheel that fits into a backpack sounds perfect to me. The Little Gem is awesome though, and the accessories are cheaper!

[Jocelyn]

It's funny how that works, isn't it? I find it odd sometimes how easily I accept my perception of other people's judgment as somehow more valid than my own - I'm working on it, though (sounds like you are, too).

On a more practical note, how do you like your little gem? I keep thinking about adding one to my ever-expanding (and in need of clearing out) wheel collection.

[--Deb]

I agree about self-doubt--it keeps you from doing more things than any other force I can think of. (Which reminds me, I REALLY need to send out my book to some more agents.)

Glad you re-found your spinning mojo--and bet you'll love your Little Gem, if only because I love mine!

[Marji]

Self-doubt can be paralytic; and yet, if it were not for self-doubt and the constant examination and questioning it brings, I don't think I would ever face any of my demons or make any changes.

Plans? Meh! I know people who have Five-Year-Plans. I can't have a Five-DAY-Plan that works out, so I stopped. I'm 58. Without a plan other than a very vague, "I'm retiring in 5 years," I'm happy to survive from day to day. (I do have a retirement account -- that much planning I did.)