I've been displacing anxiety with cleaning recently. Or at least that's what it looks like, but I think it's more like taking a sauna when you're hung over. Purging the toxic.
It's been SUCH a weird year with huge changes in my physical, emotional and mental lives and now suddenly I'm looking at my stuff and seeing how and if it fits in a totally new way.
I've been at this a while - over the last few years I've taken bags and bags of mental illness to Goodwill - but there's layers. Epochs. Levels. The day I took down the portrait of my great grandfather was a big one (I didn't send him to Goodwill, though I am not sure what I will do with him. Attic maybe).
The last few weeks I've been in the office/computer/craft area. Purging files, organizing. Cleaning out the antique desk I am DYING to get rid of so instead of lurking in the corner sucking the energy out of the room now it's empty, free floating and ready to be sold. There was a trip to IKEA. I turned my old TV armoire into a fabric cabinet and now its full of all the yards of merino jersey and printed linen I've been collecting over the past few years, folded and sorted and in piles of silk or wool or knit or woven. I like opening the doors and looking at it. It reminds me that I used to love potential. Maybe I still do.
Today I ran into something that didn't fit properly and I started to set it aside and then I started to hand sew it and then I remembered I have a place for that now and I put my sewing machine on my new sewing table and 10 minutes later my crochet hooks don't fall out of my notions bag every time I open it.
It was just a really great feeling, even though my house is pulled apart and half sorted and I need to put some things on Craig's list and take stuff to Goodwill and even once it IS sorted and cleaned I can already see that there's going to be another complete round of purging and using up, but it's going to be (at least partly) the purging and using up that comes from living and creating in a space that reflects my actual tastes and life and needs. Which is pretty awesome.