I have a large smear of dirt on my knee and an icebag on the other one. While jumping on a shovel last weekend I did...something and am limping around right now. I only mention it because I am enjoying the symmetry of ice and dirt.
There comes a time in life when you become SO BORED with your own broken bits you could scream. I think that this moment is when progress occurs? At least in therapy and I think with physical adaptation too. I've been reading Kate Davies for several years - long before she had her stroke, though I like her writing more now. And although what she is working with is very different than what I am, there have beens days when her simple courage at keeping going have definitely sturdied me up.
I blew off freinds last night - it looks on facebook as though they had a nice time but I just couldn't bear it - the press of people in a bar, the noise, and the inevitable one cocktail too many and losing half the weekend to getting myself back together again. I have an inflammatory disease. It's very hard to acknowledge that to myself, to admit that it's a factor. But alcohol...and sugar and potatoes and chicken and and and ...are all inflammatory and when I indulge I pay and pay and pay. Sometimes it's worth it but I'm learning to pick my moments a little.
So I listened to the rain and watched something foolish and practiced flicky eyeliner like a teenager and this morning I got up and fed the roses and the cat and the houseplants and deadheaded the dianthus and geraniums and am making a grocery list. I'm going to make a salad and a buckwheat/almond/chocolate cake to take to a dinner tonight and I'm happy I think. Who you turn out to be in so different from what you think you'll be, you know?
A year ago I would have moaned that I was old and boring and been upset, but what I HAVE learned is that I am neither of those things. It's just that when you have to ration your resources a little you have to really really know what you actually want.
But I like deadheading. I think it's a fine way to spend a morning.
I love that you're gardening so much, and I feel that I should give you plants. After 12 years of work in this huge garden, I have some beauties.
Posted by: Lanea | 06 June 2012 at 06:06 PM
Looking at your sideboard, did you not LOVE 17 Little Blue Envelopes? I read it in my Young Adult Literature class and found it delightful.
Posted by: Marj | 06 June 2012 at 03:26 PM
> Who you turn out to be in so different from what you think you'll be, you know?
Yes, THIS.
Posted by: Big Alice | 06 June 2012 at 02:15 PM
Hi Adrienne. I half-assed it from June to October, committed for a month, saw a HUGE difference, fell off the wagon over Thanksgiving and then recommitted seriously.
Having a tiny problem with popcorn right now though ;)
Posted by: Juno | 04 June 2012 at 10:51 AM
I'm glad you're happy, and the flowers look gorgeous. =) I'm working on an anti-inflammatory diet myself. I'm not super hard core about it (since I don't even know if what's wrong with me has to do with inflammation) but trying since it can't hurt. How long have you been doing it? For me I think it's too soon to see if it's working. It is killing my social life, though, since it all revolves around gathering in bars, and I can't sit in a bar and *not* drink beer, so I just don't go.
Posted by: Adrienne | 04 June 2012 at 10:46 AM
All those things are inflammatory? Day-yum. The PA I saw a few weeks ago told me to avoid sugar and gluten as inflammatory; that is challenging enough, but trying to avoid alcohol and potatoes and chicken would be REALLY challenging, especially since I am also supposed to eat a massive amount of protein every day. (Sorry, but it's all about ME, you know.) Glad to hear your mind is tending in good directions, though :-)
Posted by: kmkat | 03 June 2012 at 01:32 PM
Love this. I love the way your life is tilting these days and also the way you're looking at it all. More pleeze?
Posted by: Caroline aka FiberTribe | 03 June 2012 at 12:34 PM