This morning I was taking out the trash and I used the basement door for the first time in a few weeks - it's a flight of stone stairs down from the sidewalk, with a door under the front step - and what should I find on the ground but a used Trojan Magnum and it's wrapper. Pretty fresh looking?
So sometime in the last few nights some dude banged a working girl (probable scenario) in my basement stairwell, which ....I can't even. Also I will be at Lowe's at 9:01 to purchase a replacement fixture for the one that is broken down there, and a 1 million watt bulb which will be on at ALL TIMES in the future.
I've been trying to decide what about this bothers me. I am forced to admit that in my youth - though possibly that should be "youth" - there may have been an occasion or two where I failed to respect the space of others in a not dissimilar fashion. Cough. So am I mad because people had sex in my stairwell? I was mentally composing a NO FUCKING sign when I realized that really what I want the sign to say is DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CONDOM BEHIND FOR ME TO CLEAN UP, ASSHOLE. And also put my trashcan back in the corner while you're at it. Which would be a long sign. Maybe a simple No Condom Dumping one?
I tidied up by encasing my arm in a garbage bag in a condom-like fashion - the irony was not lost on me - picking up the biohazard and reversing the bag around it in time honored dog-poop fashion.
I am fixing that light fixture though. Even a lack of anger doesn't leave me wanting to encourage this.